Stuff About Me

So,
When I first made my "Stuff about me" post, I was just fucking around and wasn't really caring what I put.
Soooo... 


I've decided to redo it. (Honestly I'll probably end up redoing this a lot of times.)

I'm complicated, and have a VERY perverted sense of humor.

I don't like people being dickheads for no reason, but who does?

I don't enjoy shopping, it's just one of Life's necessary evils.

Super preppy, happy, overly joyous people can get on my nerves.

Especially if it's early in the morning, I mean who the fuck is happy early in the morning?
Preppy people, that's who!

I love writing, it keeps me sane.
Wait...
What the fuck am I saying?
I'm already crazy but it keeps me from randomly punching people in the face.
Yeah that works.

I'm not a violent person, I swear!
I just don't like it when people are:

Stupid and don't realize it.

A complete bitch for no reason.

Just a major asshole in general.

SUPERDUPER preppy in the morning. (Pretty sure we covered that already)

And many other things that I'll end up listing later probably.

I'm not a morning person, I mean I don't completely rage in the morning.
But until I've woken up, I don't want a bunch of super loud overly happy morning birds chirping away at me.
Basically I need a shirt or a hat that says "LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE....At least until 10 am."

I have sleeping issues.
They've gotten worse over the years.
I'm a light sleeper normally, that is if I sleep.
Otherwise I'm either staying up writing or playing some type of game like Minecraft, Skyrim.
Whatever I'm in the mood for I guess.

I have a lot of weird ass dreams, some dreams are so fucked up I write them down when I wake up from them.
Most of my dreams people are trying to kill me or something.
Last dream I had there was a Zombie apocalypse going on, I never thought I'd dream of that to be honest.
People tried to throw me off a bridge, that's when I woke up.

Badass dreams right?

Oh and in case you haven't realized it yet, I'm Awesome.
A lot of times I'm so Awesome, people can't handle it.

Crazy right?

But yeah, I'm a pretty quiet person, and shy.
I guess it's weird to be a complete perv and shy at the same time, but somehow I pull it off.

I've had a really fucked up past so sometimes I get down right gloomy, but who doesn't?
Sometimes I think I should write a story about my life, but right now I just don't have the "balls" to do it.

I'll do it one day though...
Gotta get that shit out sometime.

So I guess since I've mentioned things I don't like, I should mention things I do like.

Baby Animals, who doesn't like them?

Kittens, because they're fluffy and adorable and tiny and just instantly awesome.

Puppies, because they can act like complete idiots but still be oh so darn cute.

Turtles, everyone loves turtels. (Yes I spelled it like that on purpose)


Movie Madness,

Apocalypto, just because it's a good movie in my opinion.

10,000 B.C. because I liked the story.

Finding Nemo, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming...

The Lion King, Disney classic.

Pocahontas, because she's awesome.

BraveHeart, I love the story.

Dances with Wolves, also love the story.

A Walk to Remember, pissed me off and made me cry, loved the story though.

Zombieland, because if I had to survive a zombie apocalypse that would be a pretty cool way to do it.

Love Disney movies.

Tangled, is a new favorite of mine. Because it makes me laugh and I thought it would suck but it didn't which surprised me.

And can't forget,
James Cameron's Avatar.

Okay enough movies...

Time for Books.

The Earth's Children series by Jean M. Auel. (her books are what got me hooked to reading.)
She who Remembers by Linda Lay Shuler. (Loved the series) 

Eragon series. (still have to read the fourth book) (ALSO the movie sucked)

Warriors by Erin Hunter. (childish I guess)

The Tree People by Naomi M. Stokes. (Interesting story with sad facts)

Guilty Pleasures by Laurell K. Hamilton. (Love the Wereanimals and Vampires, plus she's a badass)

Marley and Me by John Grogan. (Reminded me of my sister's troublesome dog)

Dream Weaver by Penina Keen Spinka. (I want to read the whole series one day)

The Reindeer Hunters, The Horsemasters, and Daughter of the Red Deer by Joan Wolf.
(Interesting reads)

And I like many other books, but honestly I've read too many to list them all.
I still need to read the LOTR series, working on The Hobbit.
So long waay to go.

Now for the all important Games list!

Skyrim, (Love it)

Oblivion, (Favorite game before Skyrim)

Minecraft, (because I love being creative and used to be in love with Legos)

Tales of Vesperia and Tales of Symphonia.

Pure. (Love pulling off a special trick right before the gas runs out and taking first place)


Soo...
I think that's enough likes and such.

Ohhhh...
But I am a big music fan, trance, techno, rock, a mix of this and that.
I like pretty much everything but I'm not really into gospel or jazz or superduper religious music....


But basically I'm a crazy bitch, who's probably more complicated than a puzzle box on steroids.

Angry? Me? Pssh, never.

Alright, the truth.
Yes I'm angry.
No, not just angry... I'm fucking pissed off.
I guess because I've never been able to express my anger, I've always had to tone it down and put a fake smile on my face and be like, "No! Nothings wrong, everything's fine."
Reserved?
Maybe.
Why?
Because that's how I've survived all these years, upset wasn't wanted or accepted.
So just act happy.
That's the way it is.
I'm always told if you're not happy you should still be a smiling ray of sunshine, no matter how ticked off you are.
So I'm always swallowing my anger, or pain.
Sometimes it burst through at times, but that's because the bottle can only be so full.
But it never goes away, it's eating away at me.
I just want to scream and smash my fist into the wall until they bleed.
Then maybe I'll feel some release. 
But I can't or don't.
I can't just ruin the walls and I can't just scream, the neighbors would probably have a fit and call the cops. Or just think I'm mental.
Oh wait, they probably already think that, but how should I know since I never see and or talk to them?
Not my fault everyone here is unsocial, but who am I to bitch? I'm not the social butterfly either.
But at least I try when I see them, I might as well be a fucking rock in their path for all they care.
But we're not bothering with the neighbor's right now, we're talking about my anger which wants to spill over and cause pain and or destruction for all the years it's been building up.
Unhealthy?
Maybe, I dunno.

Liam tells me I should just beat the shit out of something, a chair, or something. Just take a bat and beat it into teeny tiny little broken pieces.
But I can't do that, nope..
I'm supposed to be happy sun--shiny princess.
Sometimes... I used to wish, still do, that people would get into a fight with me. Just so I'd have an excuse to beat the living shit out of something.
See, I'm a mean bitch.
Most people don't believe it.
But it's true.

I honestly just want to smash my fist into someone's face and hurt them...
Not a healthy thought, but at least I haven't ever actually done it... right?
Well, I've hurt people. But it was always in "fake/play" fights.
And I honestly never meant to hurt them, it's just I got a little too excited or they did and we'd hurt each other on accident.
Normally it was them and not me. *cough*
Like my friend Zach and I, when I first moved to the dreaded Woodlands.
Well I don't really remember what started it, but I guess it was kind of a I'm as tough as you kind of thing...
Because I've always been a tough bitch and I'd never really lived in suburbs before, or been around bitches who are just so darn right pathetic before.
Most of my friends are guys, if that helps explain.
It's always been that way.
But anyway, so he and I, well we used to get into these "endurance" type fights.
Whoever gave up first was the LOOSERRR...
We'd kick each other in the shins and such until one of us was crying mercy.
Good times...
But yeah one day we got a little too excited and I kind of accidentally broke his knee cap.
Heh.
I felt bad, and still do.
So, my advice to youuu.
Never get into mercy kick fights on a trampoline.
It will probably just end badly, like it did that time..
He never told anyone I did it, he just mysteriously came back from the hospital with crutches and no one knew why.
Not even his parents.
Hell, I was 14 or 15 at the time?
We're still good buddies too.

I guess I got a little side tracked from what I've been talking about.
Well not completely, but if I didn't go all off-track-random in this post.
I'd probably just be cussing the world, well not exactly the world.
Just the people in it.
Kind of like a raging fit of absolute pissed-off-ness.
So yeah!
Mental?
Maybe...

Why?

I get asked that simple question a lot.
Why?
Just that one word can have a huge effect on things.
People ask themselves that question more than once.

I'm asking myself that question right now.
Why do I feel like this?
Why can't I stop it?
Why am I here?
Why am I asking myself why?

Yeah the question list goes on, and on, and on.

My friend said self criticism is the worst.
Yet I can't help but play the critic in my own movie.
Watching myself go through life, wondering what's around the corner or what's the next big plot in the story.

No way to really answer that, no way to fast forward.
Just kind of have to keep going through this slow paced part, and wonder how much longer it'll last.
Hoping a better action scene is up next, the drama gets old and so does the same scene over and over.

I found a song I really like today.
It keeps making me think about things though, well it's probably not really the song. It's just the timing.
Stressed out, more than usual lately.
Yeah I shouldn't be stressing, or worrying. But how do I quit?
Mr.A. is getting home on Thursday, and Mr.J. and Mrs.Zill are still uptight and prickly.
Can't fix everything, but I can at least help keep things a bit calmer and keep it from escalating.

Wondering how the rest of the year will play out, and what the new year will bring.
Mr.J. is only supposed to be here for 2weeks.
It'll be a much shorter time if he keeps pulling those stupid ass moves.

He keeps talking about how the world is fucked up, and we have no idea.
He's wrong there.
I know more than he thinks.
He complains about no one knowing him, but he automatically assumes he knows everyone.
How's he going to get anywhere like that?

He acts like he's the only one who's ever dealt with tough shit and he complains and whines.
And then when someone tries to help or talk to him, he spits in their face.
Don't complain and act like you want help if you're going to do that.
That's just being an ignorant dumb ass.

But oh well, it's not my problem.
Oh wait... it kind of is, since you're in my house.
I don't appreciate how you act towards Mrs.Z.
You come to us for help and then try to be a douche and say get the fuck off, I don't need help?
Bullshit, you've got some fucking nerve.
Hopefully you learn to watch your step, because you're on a thin line.
You'd hate to fall.

Nothing I can do if you step wrong and fall off into the jaws of Mr.Ass.

Besides you don't need "help."
So why should I even care?

I can't help but wonder how many other people out there are like you, more than likely.
It's a lot more than you think.

You probably think I don't remember all the shit I've been through, especially in my younger years.
That's where you'd be wrong... So don't just tread lightly in front of Mr.A. and Mrs.Z.
Because I do remember, and I know I'll never forget.

Which is kind of shitty, because most of the time it sucks to remember.

Well, I'm hungry...
Time for some ramen and tea.

October, October, why must you fuck me over?

Alrighty...
Where shall I start for my last couple of shitty days, and not just regular shitty. But likeee, when you reallly, really, really, really, really, really...really...really...really, really, reallly....
Really...
Really..REALLY want like, tea or whatever you like in the morning. So you get really excited you get out of bed.
Go pee...

Because everyone has to pee in the morning!
Anddd...
Then you make your way to the kitchen, and find out, that you're out of what you wanted!
So then it ruins you're whole Fan-fucking-tastic morning!

I don't know about anyone else, but when I get excited about tea in the morning and then find out I don't have any motherfucking tea, I get so sad!
Well not sad...More like amazingly ticked off.
AND THEN..
I don't want anything else...so I just grab a bottle of water and steam about not having my tea and being irritated about having to start the damn day.
(BLOGPOST MAKES ME ANGRY!...It doesn't want to fucking cooperate and put the pictures where I fucking want.....So just pretend you see cute adorable fluffy kittens attacking each other like epic ninjas!)
...(I'll figure out the posting pictures shit...eventually....sometime...later...I guess..)

Anyway today, was the shittiest of all I think, well it's a tie... Between Saturday and today...!
BECAUSE....
On Friday, my half brother moved in right?
Well, he didn't get there till like 10:30-11pm.
LIKE WHAT THE FLYING FUCK, DUDE?!
Coming to my house and you can't even show up earlier?!

What if I wanted to go to sleep, but I couldn't! Because I was waiting on you're slow-poke ass!

And then...Saturday morning, I couldn't even sleep in.
Oh nooo!
I had to be woken up, and then watch YOUR SON. Allllllll daaaaamn, day.
I love my nephew, yes....
But you're supposed to be spending time with him, so who cares if you had to unload a "bit" of stuff from your car?!
And then!
You take like a 3 hour nap, while I'm tired as fuck...and watching your kid?!
I can't even tell him what not to do, because you think he's sensitive?!
Bullshit, bullshit, bull-fucking-shit.

But whatever....I shall not say anything to YOU.
..
...
....
.....
......
Yet...

But today... Oh today was bad...

My kitty, Bluffems, managed to climb her way into our truck, get stuck somewhere.
And....Die...when my mom started the truck, because she didn't know she was in there.
Now...The dealership is closed on Sundays.
So we can't even do anything about it, until tomorrow.
She was such a pretty cat...
In the picture, Bluffems is on the left and Dryer Vent is on the right. ):
R.I.P. Bluffems. <3


It's like losing Tippy all over again...That damn truck has killed two kittens now.
Well, cats...But they weren't even a year old...They were born late April, early May.
They were still babies to me..

Anyway... Let's move onto some completely different shit.

I want to start my own Minecraft server, and I think I'm going to do it..
Because...
No other fucking server I've been on has made me happy.
Except for the one I was on when my friend's friend started it.
I was mod, 'cause I'm just badass like that.
But anyway, then they just like forgot about the server or didn't care.
And it just went to shit...With all the updates, we got a new world. (For what reason? I have no idea the server owner was just, fucking around I guess.)

So I'm planning on starting my own soon.
And it's going to be epic.
I hope.

Had a fun time last night, talked to Liam while I did a quest on Runescape.
(Yes I am quite the nerdy gamer bitch. But Liam is way nerdier than I am?!)
(And so is Paul, just for the record)
Unless..
It comes to Minecraft, then I'm way nerdier about it than them and shit.
'Cause Minecraft is just awesome and I love it.

I've gotten off track again...
Anyway...
Runescape..
Quest..
Yeah, okay.
So talking on Mic with Liam and just having a good ol' time while he laughs at me for raging, because I despise quest and this one was amazingly stuuuupid.

Jumping onto a subject I forgot to mention..
Mrs.Zilla, was a complete bitch today and just RAGED.
And I mean a bitching, cussing fight that made me upset and made her upset, and everyone was just fucking upset.
A lot of it was because of losing Bluffems and the stress with Mr.J. (Aka Bro) moving in, and borrowing cigs from her.
AND...He borrowed money from me, he owes me.
He said he'd pay me back by next week, but we'll see?!
If he doesn't he's doomed!

And since Liam reads this I'm going to fuck with him and say I'll use my super badass witchy powers on Mr.J.
And give him bad-luck or some shit.

ANYWAY...Halloween is coming!
What do I plan on doing for Halloween?
I have no fucking clue.

Last year I dressed up as a sexy gypsy, while lil' sis was a Eskimo Princess.
Which wasn't a very good idea since it's normally quite hot here, it gets better in September, October, but still I wouldn't go with an Eskimo outfit choice..
And Mrs.Zilla...what was she?!
She was a crazy axe weilding lady...
Thankfully the axe was plastic.
At least it was last year...
Hopefully she never decides to play around with a real one?!

Paul wants me to help him start a blog..
I wonder how that's going to go, it might be entertaining..
I guess we'll find out..
I should get Raden and Liam to start one!
I've already asked Liam, but he's been a butthead and said no. <.<
I'll just have to keep trying!?!

He will eventually. >.>

He needs to write about Toasty!
Which is his kitten, who sounds amazingly adorable and fluffy and kitteny!
But I haven't seen him because Liam still hasn't gotten a camera!
Bad Liam !
Get a camera, you noob!
<.<

I've been watching "THE WALKING DEAD" all day...
They were having a marathon leading up to the next new season.
Paul and Max, made me watch it.. I've missed a lot.
What with Bluffems disappearing then reappearing, then Mrs.Zilla having her crazy GodzillabitchyfitofRAGE..
Only way to describe it!

Liam is getting impatient to read this...
And I guess I've written enough random shit to make up for the past...4 days?
I think...

SO
anyway... I just found out Mr.J. will be here in about 5-10minutes...
I am not going out there to play peacekeeper again, fuck that shit.
But anyway...Yeah..
Write more blahblahblahshit later.

Blankness

I feel so.....so.....BLANK?
I'm not sure really.
I've been feeling pretty shitty all day.
Well, not shitty.
Just blank....Hard to explain.
Why?
I have no damned idea.
I feel so restless as well...
What's wrong with meeee?!

I need to do something or I need something, but what?...

Am I irriated, haha! Of course not! Why would you ever ask such a question?

OKAY.
Mrs.Zilla.
You've officially ticked me off.
You're sweet and smiling then something goes and ticks you offf.
So you have to make sure the whole fucking world is in a pissy, panties up your ass crack kind of mood.
WTF is up with that?!
I just don't understand, will I ever?
Pigs would probably have to fly before I'd understand your mentality!

I love and adore you, I really do.
But this shit is driving me INSANE.
Wait.... I'm pretty sure I already am insane, but at least it's not a bad insane!
Yet....if this shit keeps going on, I might really become the pyromaniac I feel I could be.
I mean who doesn't want to set a building on fire and watch the pretty flames eat it up?!

I need to have a relaxing day.
Without little sis, without Zilla, without ALL the animals.
I need a break from them.
I adore them, but everyone needs a break every once in a while.
I'm not wrong about that, even parents take vacations from their kids every now and then.
Even if they deny it!
It's true.

I'd love to just go somewhere with a friend or two and dance.
Let myself go for a little while and not have to give a flying fuck.

I'm a calm person, but they ruin my calm... no not ruin.
They fucking blow it up into teeny tiny nonexistent pieces!
I can only bottle up so much shit before I explode.
This is why my moods so whacky and fucked up latelyyy.

I can't figure out how to act and or feel.

I want to speak and stand up for myself, but I can't seem to jump that cliff that's before me.
All I can do is bite my tongue and bide my time, and possibly slowly lose my mind in the process.
But oh-fucking-well.
I'm supposed to be the happy preppy sunshiny person no matter what comes my way, ain't that right, Zills?!
Yeaaaahhhh.... Good fucking luck to me.

Rage, rage, blah, blah.
Listen to all this shit, I don't like to complain but sometimes I can't fucking help myself.
I've got to get this shit out, because it's eating ME ALIVEEEEE....

Party rock! Woo! Let's go, party rock is in the house tonightttt..
Everybody just have a good time!
And We gonna make you lose your mind!
We just wanna see ya, shake that!
This is when the dancing hamsters would come in and I'd dance along to the commercial.
But sadly I only have the song atm.
I could use a laugh or a smile atm.
Because atm I feel like punching the wall.
But what did my poor wall do to me?
Nothing, except keep me shielded from the other crazy ass people in my house.
Thank you walls! I love youuu...

Music helps meee..
All you other people have drugs and such, well music is mine!
It helps my mood, or sometimes makes it fall.
It depends on what I want from itttt.

My mind if whirling!
My thoughts are like a fucking tidal pool, all kinds of tiny fish, crustaceans, and other weird critters from DA SEA.
Swimming around, or going with the push and pull of the tide.
Dodging rocks, and things that want to eat ME.

BTW.

Random fact...Dolphins have sex for pleasure like people!