Angry? Me? Pssh, never.

Alright, the truth.
Yes I'm angry.
No, not just angry... I'm fucking pissed off.
I guess because I've never been able to express my anger, I've always had to tone it down and put a fake smile on my face and be like, "No! Nothings wrong, everything's fine."
Reserved?
Maybe.
Why?
Because that's how I've survived all these years, upset wasn't wanted or accepted.
So just act happy.
That's the way it is.
I'm always told if you're not happy you should still be a smiling ray of sunshine, no matter how ticked off you are.
So I'm always swallowing my anger, or pain.
Sometimes it burst through at times, but that's because the bottle can only be so full.
But it never goes away, it's eating away at me.
I just want to scream and smash my fist into the wall until they bleed.
Then maybe I'll feel some release. 
But I can't or don't.
I can't just ruin the walls and I can't just scream, the neighbors would probably have a fit and call the cops. Or just think I'm mental.
Oh wait, they probably already think that, but how should I know since I never see and or talk to them?
Not my fault everyone here is unsocial, but who am I to bitch? I'm not the social butterfly either.
But at least I try when I see them, I might as well be a fucking rock in their path for all they care.
But we're not bothering with the neighbor's right now, we're talking about my anger which wants to spill over and cause pain and or destruction for all the years it's been building up.
Unhealthy?
Maybe, I dunno.

Liam tells me I should just beat the shit out of something, a chair, or something. Just take a bat and beat it into teeny tiny little broken pieces.
But I can't do that, nope..
I'm supposed to be happy sun--shiny princess.
Sometimes... I used to wish, still do, that people would get into a fight with me. Just so I'd have an excuse to beat the living shit out of something.
See, I'm a mean bitch.
Most people don't believe it.
But it's true.

I honestly just want to smash my fist into someone's face and hurt them...
Not a healthy thought, but at least I haven't ever actually done it... right?
Well, I've hurt people. But it was always in "fake/play" fights.
And I honestly never meant to hurt them, it's just I got a little too excited or they did and we'd hurt each other on accident.
Normally it was them and not me. *cough*
Like my friend Zach and I, when I first moved to the dreaded Woodlands.
Well I don't really remember what started it, but I guess it was kind of a I'm as tough as you kind of thing...
Because I've always been a tough bitch and I'd never really lived in suburbs before, or been around bitches who are just so darn right pathetic before.
Most of my friends are guys, if that helps explain.
It's always been that way.
But anyway, so he and I, well we used to get into these "endurance" type fights.
Whoever gave up first was the LOOSERRR...
We'd kick each other in the shins and such until one of us was crying mercy.
Good times...
But yeah one day we got a little too excited and I kind of accidentally broke his knee cap.
Heh.
I felt bad, and still do.
So, my advice to youuu.
Never get into mercy kick fights on a trampoline.
It will probably just end badly, like it did that time..
He never told anyone I did it, he just mysteriously came back from the hospital with crutches and no one knew why.
Not even his parents.
Hell, I was 14 or 15 at the time?
We're still good buddies too.

I guess I got a little side tracked from what I've been talking about.
Well not completely, but if I didn't go all off-track-random in this post.
I'd probably just be cussing the world, well not exactly the world.
Just the people in it.
Kind of like a raging fit of absolute pissed-off-ness.
So yeah!
Mental?
Maybe...

I laugh at the random conversations I have.

Had a weird, awkward fun conversation with my friend.
Haha. Yeah...

Anyway onto something I can speak of better at the moment.
SERVERCRAFT.
The evil, horrifically slow serviced Minecraft wannabe hosters.

They say they're great and easy to use, and that they're customer service is wonderful.
Well, that's a bunch of BULLSHIT.
It takes hours upon hours to receive an email back from them with help, they don't have a "live-chat" customer service.
Like this other server hosting site I think I shall look into.
Anyway what started my extreme dislike of Servercraft was this....

STORY TIME, grab your tea and shut the hell up and read!!?

Okay, so yesterday afternoon or evening.
It was about okay, well I forgot exactly when it was between 4 and 6pm?!
But anyway, it was outside with cloud cover and a cool breeze, well it was cool in general but especially with the breeze.
I doing my usual thing, chatting, listening to music, being bored.
All that fun stuff and such, well then I started looking at the server sites again, and of course the good site I'm looking at now couldn't have shown up until after all my BS with Servercraft.
Anyway back to what i was saying...
I was checking out the options, prices, and asking people what they thought. (People as in the people I was chatting with, and who also play Minecraft, most of that thanks to me.)

Anywho...

So I finally decided on one, because everyone thought it looked uberrrrific and shit.
So I'm like, okay?!
So I go to ask Mrs.Zilla about it and explain shit to her.
It was kind of like...
"Well, it's got these features, the price seems pretty alright...etc...etc.."
What Mrs.Z. probably heard was, "Blah, blah blah, cost money, blah blah, fun, blah blah, try, blah blah please?"
So she nods and gives the a o-kaaaayy.

(She despises computers, internet, pretty much anything technological)
Oh....(Except the tv, she seems to like that.)

Back to what I was saying.
So I get all excited like a kid in a candy shop with a 50 dollar bill.
Basically bouncing with excitement, so I snatch up the evil device known as a purse which as a girl I apparently must have, and which I DO have to have it, but I only take it when I have to.

Which is a complicated story, blah blah blah.
Anyway, so I grab my wallet and open it up, find my nifty-difty card of uberness.
I get my internet (OH GOOD FUCKING STORY FOR AFTER THIS!)
(If I don't forget later, I'm a bit distracted, also a bit complicated)
ANYWAY...

What was I saying...
Right! Server nonsense.
So I get myself all set up on the site of absolute wretchedness, which I did not know it to be at the time.
Sucks huh?
But I got myself set up, and get a long bullshit email saying basically, "We're working on your server now, blah blah blah, should be ready in less than 24/7.
So I waited, and waited, and waited...
Finally at like 12am I got an email saying your server is working, so I log into the control panel website thing, and look around. Expecting the easy thing they said there would be. What I got instead was a laggy bullshit of a page full of tiny tabs and those tabs were full of more tabs, and then some tabs took you to different sites while other tabs took you to fucking files you weren't supposed to fuck up.
So I play around with it, and mess with it, and look it over.
(Is this sounding extremely wrong to anyone else? I'm insanely corrupted right now.)

But anyway!
I keep losing my train of thought from, music, horror movie on the tv, IM's and text messages. o.o

But yeah...
So then all of a sudden I click on this certain tab and it says I need authorization and ask me for Username and Password.
So I'm like...okay?
I enter the Username and Password and nothing fucking happened.
The screen reloaded, and then I try again and it does the same exact thing.
I did this about 20 fucking times before I marched my happy ass over to the "submit a ticket" place.
(AKA, send all bitching messages here tab)
So I send a "ticket" and I'm like, WTF HELP.
I said more than that, but oh well?!
So  then I wait....and wait...and then I figure out the problem on my own?!
I was like fuck you people.
Fucking slower than a two legged turtle.

So I get the thing to respond and then I go to use my server IP and I type it into the Multiplayer direct connect tabby doodle.
And it says...."BAD ID PACKET."
So then.... I am annoyed, angry and frustrated and in a bitchy ass mood.
So I try a few more times, then send another fucking bitch ticket.
AND WAIT...
But it was about 1-2am by then.
I was annoyed and starting to feel the zombie effects.

*grabs Dr.Pepper*
Remembering all this shit is ticking me off again, and making me thirsty!

Anyway.
So I get off and I'm like fuck it, I'll bother myself with it tomorrow..
Which I did..
For hours and then more problems showed up and more and more.
So I was like, BITCH TICKET TIME.
I sent them a ticket demanding the refund they promise.
And I knew I'd be in for a wait.
So myself and a few Minecrafting buddies went and fucked around on it.
Till the server was disabled a few hours later.
And I got an email, saying.
"Sorry we couldn't assist you further, your refund should arrive within a few business days and you will no longer be charged."
Basically... if I don't get the refund and the refund was never an option in the first place it would've been like this....
"Thanks for sending us your money, we're kind of like those claw machines at stores and restaurants, that you feed your dollar bills and coins into. Trying to get that one fucking stuffed animal that you or your friend/kid/family member wants SO DAMN BAD. So you try and you try and you try and then you fucking rage and when you do rage if at that time you had a crowbar or a baseball bat.
You'd take it and smash the machine into itty-bitty-teeny-weeny little pieces and then set it on fire and watch all of it BURN."    

I feel so much better after letting my vented rage out!
Would've been better if I could've taken a baseball bat to a car or something...but this works too!

So....Next story which I haven't forgotten!@
My internet no less than an hour ago, had a fucking fail.
It was like, it was trying to climax, but then it passed out.
So basically it got fucked over.
And then I had to close my internet down and then wait for it to reconnect and then open up the browser window again.
Enter all my fucking webpages and then watch it all lag again, and go "HAHA, fuck you, bitch!"
So then I raged a bit, and it started working.

But yeah.... This picture fits how I felt.

My Annoyed, bitchy, GTFO picture?!

Am I irriated, haha! Of course not! Why would you ever ask such a question?

OKAY.
Mrs.Zilla.
You've officially ticked me off.
You're sweet and smiling then something goes and ticks you offf.
So you have to make sure the whole fucking world is in a pissy, panties up your ass crack kind of mood.
WTF is up with that?!
I just don't understand, will I ever?
Pigs would probably have to fly before I'd understand your mentality!

I love and adore you, I really do.
But this shit is driving me INSANE.
Wait.... I'm pretty sure I already am insane, but at least it's not a bad insane!
Yet....if this shit keeps going on, I might really become the pyromaniac I feel I could be.
I mean who doesn't want to set a building on fire and watch the pretty flames eat it up?!

I need to have a relaxing day.
Without little sis, without Zilla, without ALL the animals.
I need a break from them.
I adore them, but everyone needs a break every once in a while.
I'm not wrong about that, even parents take vacations from their kids every now and then.
Even if they deny it!
It's true.

I'd love to just go somewhere with a friend or two and dance.
Let myself go for a little while and not have to give a flying fuck.

I'm a calm person, but they ruin my calm... no not ruin.
They fucking blow it up into teeny tiny nonexistent pieces!
I can only bottle up so much shit before I explode.
This is why my moods so whacky and fucked up latelyyy.

I can't figure out how to act and or feel.

I want to speak and stand up for myself, but I can't seem to jump that cliff that's before me.
All I can do is bite my tongue and bide my time, and possibly slowly lose my mind in the process.
But oh-fucking-well.
I'm supposed to be the happy preppy sunshiny person no matter what comes my way, ain't that right, Zills?!
Yeaaaahhhh.... Good fucking luck to me.

Rage, rage, blah, blah.
Listen to all this shit, I don't like to complain but sometimes I can't fucking help myself.
I've got to get this shit out, because it's eating ME ALIVEEEEE....

Party rock! Woo! Let's go, party rock is in the house tonightttt..
Everybody just have a good time!
And We gonna make you lose your mind!
We just wanna see ya, shake that!
This is when the dancing hamsters would come in and I'd dance along to the commercial.
But sadly I only have the song atm.
I could use a laugh or a smile atm.
Because atm I feel like punching the wall.
But what did my poor wall do to me?
Nothing, except keep me shielded from the other crazy ass people in my house.
Thank you walls! I love youuu...

Music helps meee..
All you other people have drugs and such, well music is mine!
It helps my mood, or sometimes makes it fall.
It depends on what I want from itttt.

My mind if whirling!
My thoughts are like a fucking tidal pool, all kinds of tiny fish, crustaceans, and other weird critters from DA SEA.
Swimming around, or going with the push and pull of the tide.
Dodging rocks, and things that want to eat ME.

BTW.

Random fact...Dolphins have sex for pleasure like people!