The whole worldddd.

People tell me I can’t be mad at the whole world,
That there’s things out there that I can’t be mad at.
Funny thing is they’re wrong.
I can be mad at the whole world, I can hold onto that anger.
At least then I know I’m not dead inside.
I might be broken but things are still working.

I’m still going even though things keep trying to push me down, I haven’t stayed down and said fuck it, I give up.
I’ve kept going.
The entire world can kiss my ass for all I care.
People might wonder why I’m pissed and that maybe it seems like I have no cause to be.
But I do, and those reasons will always stick.

Because sometimes “Forgive and Forget” just doesn’t work.
Some things cannot be forgotten and will never be forgiven.
Accepted but not forgiven.

So you just have to live with all the shit that’ll never go away.

Fuck people....

Today....
I got up...and started cleaning...

Then I realized Gypsy wasn't around, I wasn't worried yet.
I started calling and looking for her...
She wasn't out front, I checked there since the front door was open.
I decided to go and ask Mrs.Z. if she had her or knew where she was...
She didn't, and I told her I couldn't find her.

So I go back outside and start walking around the house, I had gone to the right of the front door..
I should've headed towards the left and down the drive...
I walked all the way around the house calling her, and getting worried now...
And then I made it around the house and at the beginning of the drive.
And out of the gate and on the other side of the road... was Gypsy.
She was just standing there looking at me.
And I started running to get her, she's not supposed to be by the road, especially this road...
I was running towards her and calling her.. and then I heard the car....

I felt the panic begin in the back of my mind as the scene played out terribly slow...
She was so happy to see me, she started running towards me.
In my mind I'm screaming no, stop, please...
I couldn't even get half way to the gate and the car.... hit her...
I watched as the front tire caught her dead on...rolled her over the tire....
The sound....
That bone crunching splat as she hit the road....

I'll never get the image of her small body being almost torn in half out of my mind... The sound will always haunt me....
The car didn't even slow... didn't stop... it was like Gypsy wasn't even there to them....
I stopped and stared....
Her small body lying there...It had happened so fast she probably didn't even know that the car hit her...

Mrs.Z. arrived by then... screaming get the gate key...
So I ran to the house and snatched the key and ran back...
Mrs.Z. had hopped the fence and gotten Gypsy's body out of the middle of the road... and was sitting at the end of the drive...
We both had tears running down our faces...

We buried her...

Now Mrs.Z. left for the store...
And I'm sitting here...
Beating myself up for not finding her or getting to her sooner...

My eyes sting and my throat burns...
Busted my knuckles from punching the wall...

They could have at least stopped... and said sorry...
I was right there....

It's amazing how quick it happens...
I had just given Gypsy a bath last night and she'd slept curled up against me... next to Tio...
She'd been playing with Dryer Venti this morning...
Before she passed...

I feel so blank...

I laugh at the random conversations I have.

Had a weird, awkward fun conversation with my friend.
Haha. Yeah...

Anyway onto something I can speak of better at the moment.
SERVERCRAFT.
The evil, horrifically slow serviced Minecraft wannabe hosters.

They say they're great and easy to use, and that they're customer service is wonderful.
Well, that's a bunch of BULLSHIT.
It takes hours upon hours to receive an email back from them with help, they don't have a "live-chat" customer service.
Like this other server hosting site I think I shall look into.
Anyway what started my extreme dislike of Servercraft was this....

STORY TIME, grab your tea and shut the hell up and read!!?

Okay, so yesterday afternoon or evening.
It was about okay, well I forgot exactly when it was between 4 and 6pm?!
But anyway, it was outside with cloud cover and a cool breeze, well it was cool in general but especially with the breeze.
I doing my usual thing, chatting, listening to music, being bored.
All that fun stuff and such, well then I started looking at the server sites again, and of course the good site I'm looking at now couldn't have shown up until after all my BS with Servercraft.
Anyway back to what i was saying...
I was checking out the options, prices, and asking people what they thought. (People as in the people I was chatting with, and who also play Minecraft, most of that thanks to me.)

Anywho...

So I finally decided on one, because everyone thought it looked uberrrrific and shit.
So I'm like, okay?!
So I go to ask Mrs.Zilla about it and explain shit to her.
It was kind of like...
"Well, it's got these features, the price seems pretty alright...etc...etc.."
What Mrs.Z. probably heard was, "Blah, blah blah, cost money, blah blah, fun, blah blah, try, blah blah please?"
So she nods and gives the a o-kaaaayy.

(She despises computers, internet, pretty much anything technological)
Oh....(Except the tv, she seems to like that.)

Back to what I was saying.
So I get all excited like a kid in a candy shop with a 50 dollar bill.
Basically bouncing with excitement, so I snatch up the evil device known as a purse which as a girl I apparently must have, and which I DO have to have it, but I only take it when I have to.

Which is a complicated story, blah blah blah.
Anyway, so I grab my wallet and open it up, find my nifty-difty card of uberness.
I get my internet (OH GOOD FUCKING STORY FOR AFTER THIS!)
(If I don't forget later, I'm a bit distracted, also a bit complicated)
ANYWAY...

What was I saying...
Right! Server nonsense.
So I get myself all set up on the site of absolute wretchedness, which I did not know it to be at the time.
Sucks huh?
But I got myself set up, and get a long bullshit email saying basically, "We're working on your server now, blah blah blah, should be ready in less than 24/7.
So I waited, and waited, and waited...
Finally at like 12am I got an email saying your server is working, so I log into the control panel website thing, and look around. Expecting the easy thing they said there would be. What I got instead was a laggy bullshit of a page full of tiny tabs and those tabs were full of more tabs, and then some tabs took you to different sites while other tabs took you to fucking files you weren't supposed to fuck up.
So I play around with it, and mess with it, and look it over.
(Is this sounding extremely wrong to anyone else? I'm insanely corrupted right now.)

But anyway!
I keep losing my train of thought from, music, horror movie on the tv, IM's and text messages. o.o

But yeah...
So then all of a sudden I click on this certain tab and it says I need authorization and ask me for Username and Password.
So I'm like...okay?
I enter the Username and Password and nothing fucking happened.
The screen reloaded, and then I try again and it does the same exact thing.
I did this about 20 fucking times before I marched my happy ass over to the "submit a ticket" place.
(AKA, send all bitching messages here tab)
So I send a "ticket" and I'm like, WTF HELP.
I said more than that, but oh well?!
So  then I wait....and wait...and then I figure out the problem on my own?!
I was like fuck you people.
Fucking slower than a two legged turtle.

So I get the thing to respond and then I go to use my server IP and I type it into the Multiplayer direct connect tabby doodle.
And it says...."BAD ID PACKET."
So then.... I am annoyed, angry and frustrated and in a bitchy ass mood.
So I try a few more times, then send another fucking bitch ticket.
AND WAIT...
But it was about 1-2am by then.
I was annoyed and starting to feel the zombie effects.

*grabs Dr.Pepper*
Remembering all this shit is ticking me off again, and making me thirsty!

Anyway.
So I get off and I'm like fuck it, I'll bother myself with it tomorrow..
Which I did..
For hours and then more problems showed up and more and more.
So I was like, BITCH TICKET TIME.
I sent them a ticket demanding the refund they promise.
And I knew I'd be in for a wait.
So myself and a few Minecrafting buddies went and fucked around on it.
Till the server was disabled a few hours later.
And I got an email, saying.
"Sorry we couldn't assist you further, your refund should arrive within a few business days and you will no longer be charged."
Basically... if I don't get the refund and the refund was never an option in the first place it would've been like this....
"Thanks for sending us your money, we're kind of like those claw machines at stores and restaurants, that you feed your dollar bills and coins into. Trying to get that one fucking stuffed animal that you or your friend/kid/family member wants SO DAMN BAD. So you try and you try and you try and then you fucking rage and when you do rage if at that time you had a crowbar or a baseball bat.
You'd take it and smash the machine into itty-bitty-teeny-weeny little pieces and then set it on fire and watch all of it BURN."    

I feel so much better after letting my vented rage out!
Would've been better if I could've taken a baseball bat to a car or something...but this works too!

So....Next story which I haven't forgotten!@
My internet no less than an hour ago, had a fucking fail.
It was like, it was trying to climax, but then it passed out.
So basically it got fucked over.
And then I had to close my internet down and then wait for it to reconnect and then open up the browser window again.
Enter all my fucking webpages and then watch it all lag again, and go "HAHA, fuck you, bitch!"
So then I raged a bit, and it started working.

But yeah.... This picture fits how I felt.

My Annoyed, bitchy, GTFO picture?!