Do you ever Wonder?

What is it like?
What is it like to not understand anything?
Do you ever wonder why death fascinates us so?
Why it scares others and others can’t wait for it?
Have you ever wondered if the ones who fear it are doomed and the ones who accept it aren’t?
What happens when you die?
That question has been asked a million times if not more, and the answer.
The answer is probably it’s different for everyone.

Could how you think determine what happens?

A lot of people say it will, say it all depends on how you treat others or act in life.
What if that’s only a small part of it? What if it’s not just how you act, but how you think?
If you think something bad is going to happen, it usually will.
So if you think you’re going to a place called hell, will you?
If you believe in a place where you’ll be happy, a place some people call heaven.
Will you end up there?
If you believe in having another life, will you have one?

What if you believe in nothing?
Is that what will happen to you?
You think there’s nothing once you’ve died.
So will that be it for you?
You think there’s nothing so you’ll get nothing?

Fuck people....

Today....
I got up...and started cleaning...

Then I realized Gypsy wasn't around, I wasn't worried yet.
I started calling and looking for her...
She wasn't out front, I checked there since the front door was open.
I decided to go and ask Mrs.Z. if she had her or knew where she was...
She didn't, and I told her I couldn't find her.

So I go back outside and start walking around the house, I had gone to the right of the front door..
I should've headed towards the left and down the drive...
I walked all the way around the house calling her, and getting worried now...
And then I made it around the house and at the beginning of the drive.
And out of the gate and on the other side of the road... was Gypsy.
She was just standing there looking at me.
And I started running to get her, she's not supposed to be by the road, especially this road...
I was running towards her and calling her.. and then I heard the car....

I felt the panic begin in the back of my mind as the scene played out terribly slow...
She was so happy to see me, she started running towards me.
In my mind I'm screaming no, stop, please...
I couldn't even get half way to the gate and the car.... hit her...
I watched as the front tire caught her dead on...rolled her over the tire....
The sound....
That bone crunching splat as she hit the road....

I'll never get the image of her small body being almost torn in half out of my mind... The sound will always haunt me....
The car didn't even slow... didn't stop... it was like Gypsy wasn't even there to them....
I stopped and stared....
Her small body lying there...It had happened so fast she probably didn't even know that the car hit her...

Mrs.Z. arrived by then... screaming get the gate key...
So I ran to the house and snatched the key and ran back...
Mrs.Z. had hopped the fence and gotten Gypsy's body out of the middle of the road... and was sitting at the end of the drive...
We both had tears running down our faces...

We buried her...

Now Mrs.Z. left for the store...
And I'm sitting here...
Beating myself up for not finding her or getting to her sooner...

My eyes sting and my throat burns...
Busted my knuckles from punching the wall...

They could have at least stopped... and said sorry...
I was right there....

It's amazing how quick it happens...
I had just given Gypsy a bath last night and she'd slept curled up against me... next to Tio...
She'd been playing with Dryer Venti this morning...
Before she passed...

I feel so blank...