I feel like I need to say something... I really do... but whatever it is, I can't seem to get it out. I don't even know what it is, but it's there. Waiting I suppose, until I can finally put it to paper. I wish I just knew... it bugs me, I sit there. Feeling restless and annoyed. Why can't I get it out?
Why is it even there? I don't understand I guess... Maybe I've just been bottling things up for so long that I don't know how to release anything anymore... What a depressing thought. Perhaps I'm just mixing myself up more by trying to come up with an explanation. There's really no telling.

It's kind of annoying, scratch that. It's completely ticking me off.

I write and write, but still, I'm stuck wondering.
Sometimes it bugs me so much I feel the sting of tears burning my eyes, but I doubt I'll cry.
It's hard for me to let go, even that much normally.

I always thought it was better not to cry, or show when I was upset, so now... I seemed to have trapped myself, I'm having to learn how to show all of my emotions. Because I never did, until lately.
It's a big change for me, I don't really like it. It was easier when I just didn't feel it, when I didn't let go...

I'm a mess lately, and incredibly lost...
I used to be able to just take a deep breath and shove everything away. Now it all eats away at me... and I can't escape it, I might be able to forget it for a little while, when I'm busy with something. But as soon as I lay down at night, there it is...
I just, I wish I knew how to handle this...
Why can I help others, but not myself?...
Am I just that messed up?...
So many questions, worries and whys run through my mind...