Nerdy post time.

Okay, so got a new game.

Zelda: Skyward Sword.

25th Anniversary and such edition, but yeah.

Watching my sister freak out over the first meeting with the Demon Lord what's-his-face-Ghirahim.
Ghirahim looks like a pedophile rapist or something, with his weird walk and creepy eyes following you around, with his hand out towards youu...
But it's been a pretty good game, I personally like Zelda but not everyone's played it.
And I normally don't like games for the Wii, just because swinging my arms around like a maniac tends to get a bit annoying after a while.
So I'm pretty impressed with this one so far, and I've enjoyed it.
I've only played about four and a half hours, while little sister has played over six at least? 
It's pretty funny.

Another good game I've been enjoying as well is the quite famous, Skyrim.
I haven't played it as much as I would've liked since I was recovering from surgery and a bunch of other reasons but I've gotten a good start I suppose.

I've enjoyed it more than I did Oblivion, which is saying a lot coming from me since Oblivion was like one of my favorite RPGs.
But it'd be a bit too hard for me to pick between Zelda, Skyrim and Oblivion as to which had been my favorites... I guess I can pick all of them..

But anyway, part of the companions and shit on Skyrim, so yippeee.
Once Mr.A. leaves I'll be free to do a bit more gaming...

Anyway, yeah.

Pains the game, Bs

Well I'm tired of playing.
Tired of getting hurt.
Tired of trying.
Tired of caring.
But what choice do I have?
I cannot lock myself up in a magical box of safeness where no harm would befall me.

The shit I go through is supposed to make me stronger.
But sometimes it just hurts and feels like it makes another crack in my wall.

How many cracks until the wall crumbles, hmm?

Makes me wonder.

December, December, let's see what I remember.

Angry puppy.
How fucking adorable!

Alright, so this month has been a piece of shit.
As I've been dreading in most of my post before, I was not looking forward to surgery.
But Silly me!
I SHOULD have been more worried about the recovery!
I mean really!
What kind of shit is that?!
They warn you about what they're going to do and blah blah blah.
BUT....
What they don't fucking warn you about is the recovery after surgery....!

Okay so what was my recovery like?
Well, having to take medicines around the clock.
Haha meds not to bad, yeah?
Well liquid and having to take it almost every two hours without fail, is VERY, VERY, very annoying.

And of course all the meds had to have different effects on me, can't just have one or two effects rightttt?
Dizziness, feeling drowsy, moody, sudden mood changes, etc, etc, etc.

All very quite annoying and such.
So I tried to sleep as often as I could and had to suffer with Painkillers that actually pain you as you take them!
Isn't that great? You have to swallow something that hurts to help with pain... Does that make since to anyone else?
No?
Okay I didn't think so either.

After about a week, food commercials could almost make me cry.
While all I had to survive on was, popsicles!
Because I'm not really an ice cream person and after about, oh a day I was tired of trying to eat it.
So surviving on frozen ice it was.
Don't take me wrong, popsicles are great.
Just not as a you may only eat this and you can watch everyone else eat GOOD food while you suffer with frozen flavored ice, bitchhhh.

But yeah, all I wanted to do was sleep so I didn't have to feel the gnawing hunger, pain, and watch the annoying commercials for food.
Which made me hungrier than i already was!

Can you tell I was pissed about not getting to eat yet?
If not I can always mention it again. <3


So I'm glad I can eat now, even if I'm still limited.
At least it's not Popsicles.
Yay!

I'll write about how my Christmas was and such later, I'm just done for now...
Still getting my energy back, yay for recovery -.-

Madder than a wet cat.

Well, this post name seems a bit "dodgy" because there's a lot of cats that really enjoy water, but that's not the damn point.
Anyway.
I'm pissed.
Like seriously P-I-S-S-E-D.

Why?
Because my younger sister is the biggest pain in my ass.
At the moment anyway.
She's one of those Ihavearighttohearanythingandeverythinganyonesays.

Kind of peopleeee...and one of those spoiled little children who have everything done for them because she's too damn lazy to TRY.
She should be banned from any and all electronic devices, except her Ds.
She knows how to use that.
Thank god. =.=

So I've been meaning to write and such, but I've still been recovering and haven't known what to write.
But I had to write this because I was and still am slightly ticked off.
SO.
I'll write something better later.

Haha-holiday

Yay for penguins!

Deck the halls with Gasoline,

Fa la la la la, la la la la,

Lite a match and watch it gleam,

Fa la la la la, la la la,

Let the teachers see the ashes,

Fa la la la la, la la la,

Aren't you glad I play with matches?

Fa la la la la, la la laa!

Well took me fucking long enough!

I finally took some time to figure out the little link tabs at the top of my blog.
Yes it took me ages to finally get around to doing it.
But at least I did it now right?!
Gosh.

Besides it gave me another reason to post random stuff.
Like this!

Stuff About Me

So,
When I first made my "Stuff about me" post, I was just fucking around and wasn't really caring what I put.
Soooo... 


I've decided to redo it. (Honestly I'll probably end up redoing this a lot of times.)

I'm complicated, and have a VERY perverted sense of humor.

I don't like people being dickheads for no reason, but who does?

I don't enjoy shopping, it's just one of Life's necessary evils.

Super preppy, happy, overly joyous people can get on my nerves.

Especially if it's early in the morning, I mean who the fuck is happy early in the morning?
Preppy people, that's who!

I love writing, it keeps me sane.
Wait...
What the fuck am I saying?
I'm already crazy but it keeps me from randomly punching people in the face.
Yeah that works.

I'm not a violent person, I swear!
I just don't like it when people are:

Stupid and don't realize it.

A complete bitch for no reason.

Just a major asshole in general.

SUPERDUPER preppy in the morning. (Pretty sure we covered that already)

And many other things that I'll end up listing later probably.

I'm not a morning person, I mean I don't completely rage in the morning.
But until I've woken up, I don't want a bunch of super loud overly happy morning birds chirping away at me.
Basically I need a shirt or a hat that says "LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE....At least until 10 am."

I have sleeping issues.
They've gotten worse over the years.
I'm a light sleeper normally, that is if I sleep.
Otherwise I'm either staying up writing or playing some type of game like Minecraft, Skyrim.
Whatever I'm in the mood for I guess.

I have a lot of weird ass dreams, some dreams are so fucked up I write them down when I wake up from them.
Most of my dreams people are trying to kill me or something.
Last dream I had there was a Zombie apocalypse going on, I never thought I'd dream of that to be honest.
People tried to throw me off a bridge, that's when I woke up.

Badass dreams right?

Oh and in case you haven't realized it yet, I'm Awesome.
A lot of times I'm so Awesome, people can't handle it.

Crazy right?

But yeah, I'm a pretty quiet person, and shy.
I guess it's weird to be a complete perv and shy at the same time, but somehow I pull it off.

I've had a really fucked up past so sometimes I get down right gloomy, but who doesn't?
Sometimes I think I should write a story about my life, but right now I just don't have the "balls" to do it.

I'll do it one day though...
Gotta get that shit out sometime.

So I guess since I've mentioned things I don't like, I should mention things I do like.

Baby Animals, who doesn't like them?

Kittens, because they're fluffy and adorable and tiny and just instantly awesome.

Puppies, because they can act like complete idiots but still be oh so darn cute.

Turtles, everyone loves turtels. (Yes I spelled it like that on purpose)


Movie Madness,

Apocalypto, just because it's a good movie in my opinion.

10,000 B.C. because I liked the story.

Finding Nemo, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming...

The Lion King, Disney classic.

Pocahontas, because she's awesome.

BraveHeart, I love the story.

Dances with Wolves, also love the story.

A Walk to Remember, pissed me off and made me cry, loved the story though.

Zombieland, because if I had to survive a zombie apocalypse that would be a pretty cool way to do it.

Love Disney movies.

Tangled, is a new favorite of mine. Because it makes me laugh and I thought it would suck but it didn't which surprised me.

And can't forget,
James Cameron's Avatar.

Okay enough movies...

Time for Books.

The Earth's Children series by Jean M. Auel. (her books are what got me hooked to reading.)
She who Remembers by Linda Lay Shuler. (Loved the series) 

Eragon series. (still have to read the fourth book) (ALSO the movie sucked)

Warriors by Erin Hunter. (childish I guess)

The Tree People by Naomi M. Stokes. (Interesting story with sad facts)

Guilty Pleasures by Laurell K. Hamilton. (Love the Wereanimals and Vampires, plus she's a badass)

Marley and Me by John Grogan. (Reminded me of my sister's troublesome dog)

Dream Weaver by Penina Keen Spinka. (I want to read the whole series one day)

The Reindeer Hunters, The Horsemasters, and Daughter of the Red Deer by Joan Wolf.
(Interesting reads)

And I like many other books, but honestly I've read too many to list them all.
I still need to read the LOTR series, working on The Hobbit.
So long waay to go.

Now for the all important Games list!

Skyrim, (Love it)

Oblivion, (Favorite game before Skyrim)

Minecraft, (because I love being creative and used to be in love with Legos)

Tales of Vesperia and Tales of Symphonia.

Pure. (Love pulling off a special trick right before the gas runs out and taking first place)


Soo...
I think that's enough likes and such.

Ohhhh...
But I am a big music fan, trance, techno, rock, a mix of this and that.
I like pretty much everything but I'm not really into gospel or jazz or superduper religious music....


But basically I'm a crazy bitch, who's probably more complicated than a puzzle box on steroids.

Gearing up for Thursdaaaayyy....

Well, I've decided Thursday is probably my least favorite day.
That might pass once I'm done with recovering from surgery and such, but it might not.

I had to get lab work done today.

Sleeeepyyyyyy

Apparently I have small veins, they had to use some heat pouch and shit to try and get my veins to say hello.

But she had to use a smaller needle than normal.

Which is fine with me since I didn't want to get stabbed in the first place!
Funny thing is though the needle hurt more coming out than it did going in, how fucked up is that?

And then we got foood, because I was feeling kind of bleh and mom said it was because I hadn't ate and they took blood or some such.
But oh well I was just glad to eat.

So then we went to Walmart...
How fun, right?
Not...
I kept feeling nauseous.
I despise feeling nauseous, one of the stupidest things ever.
Then we were sitting at the pharmacy and this old guy kept talking to us and it was weirding me out.
But then he finally fucked off but then I was feeling so shitty I grabbed the keys and made my way through the cold, wet, misty parking lot alllll the way to the truck.
Andd mom just loves to park super, super far away.
But can you blame her, it's a lot easier to take up two parking spaces when you're not next to a whole bunch of people.
I'm feeling sleepy..
Been feeling sleepy all day.

Last night Liam kept me up late talking, it was the first time we've talked in agesss.
But I enjoyed it, but then somehow we both managed to doze off for I'm not sure how long.
All I know is I sat straight up off my bed and said SHIT.
And I still had my headphones on and I was like Liammmm, I'm going to bed, byee.
And he mumbled some shit I'm not sure what it was, something about tomorrow and then bye.
So then I just fell back over after shutting my computer off and Zelda (cat), Jezebel, (new pup), and Tio, well we all slept in a big comfortable bunch.
With my pillows and blankets.
I love my pillows.
 

Rearranging or moving in Circles?

Kittens because I loves them and they are adorable?!!

Weird name right?
Well I'm just full of weird so my post and or names of post will be full of weird.
Got plenty to go around.


Anyway, the point in this post.
I'm going insane, well apparently I'm already insane.
But yeah, not the point right now.
The point is, I decided to rearrange my room. It's been too long since I last got around to doing so.
And if I don't rearrange my room every once in a while it feels all stuffy and I always feel restless and then my room just feels... bleh.
So once I change it up a bit it feels better.
And normally by a bit I mean I move everything out and then put it all back in some different way.
Yes, I'm weird for this I know.
But if I can't change other things in my life right now I should at least be able to change my damn room around.
So as I was finishing up moving my two bookshelves into their newly appointed places, and starting putting my multitudes of books back on them and arranging my plushies and other odds and ends.
I think about my damn ex.
Not only did we have our first big fight on Sunday, where he was the biggest fucking jack ass of all time, but he sent me a text yesterday.
With a picture of his new boots?
Last I KNEW, he didn't want to talk to me because the slut he's with was afraid he'd break up with her for me.
Again.
I never told him to break up with her and I told him I wasn't ready for a relationship.
But of course the biotch blames me.
Skank. >.>

This is why my friends are almost allllll guys, and the chicks who are my "friends" don't even speak to me.
Wait, what does that make them exactly?
Oh well, who cares.
But anyway, so I'm like, WHY THE FUCK is he sending me a text about his new damned boots?
Why the hell should I care?!
Well, turns out he fucked up somehow with sending that picture to more than one person at a time, because when I sent a text to him, I got a text from some chica that was a friend of his.

She's all like, "OH! I know you!!"

I'm just like...."UH, how do you know me?"

"Your his ex right?!"

I could tell by the way she was texting me, that she was basically bubbling with excitement.
I was just annoyed and exasperated, I thought about bitching at her to fuck off and leave me alone but then I figured that'd make me seem like the smaller person.
So I just told her yeah and she starts talking about the dance she met me at with Mr.Exness.

I honestly just wished she'd shut up.

Which finally she did because I guess my sarcasm or complete uninterested attitude came through my messages.

So then! I got a-hold of Mr.E.
I told him Congratulations on your new damned boots and thanks for fucking up and making other people who I DO NOT KNOW text me.
He never responded.

Probably because he's and incompetent dipshit.
I should kick his ass.
He's always afraid I'll hurt him, maybe I should.
He deserves it to be honest.
Cheating little mother fucking prick.
I hope that little ho he's with gives him crabs.
Wait, forgot.
He's still a virgin, he says she is too.
She's one slutty looking virgin.

Anyway, I feel better.
I ranted about that dickhead.
Time to move on!

Tomorrow I have to go get labwork done.... yipppeee!
Not.
Have I ever mentioned I don't like doctors, or hospitals?
Oh right, I did..
Well I'm mentioning it again.
I don't like doctors, or hospitals.

And I don't like completely absorbed with themselves and have no clue that they're heartless and retarded assesss.
Like my ex.

Oops, I said we were moving on from that..

But yeah, hopefully tomorrow goes alright...
But besides lab work...
Mrs.Z. is making me go shopping too?!
How much worse could it get.
I really don't like shopping.
Just like I don't like doctors and hospitals.

I read something in the series I'm reading, the main character agrees with me about shopping being horrid.
She said, "Shopping is just another one of Life's necessary evils, like brussel sprouts  and high heeled shoes."

So that's what I'm totally going to use from now on.
That is my favorite quote.

My head hurts.
I can't even take any pills for it.
Because I'm not supposed to have any type of pills at least two weeks before surgery.
They don't want it to cause excessive bleeding.
Blah blah blah...

I've been really ticked lately, like more than usual.
It's not just going into the dark place I normally shove it to shut it up.
Stupid headache..
Stupid stress..
Stupid peopleeeee...

Angry? Me? Pssh, never.

Alright, the truth.
Yes I'm angry.
No, not just angry... I'm fucking pissed off.
I guess because I've never been able to express my anger, I've always had to tone it down and put a fake smile on my face and be like, "No! Nothings wrong, everything's fine."
Reserved?
Maybe.
Why?
Because that's how I've survived all these years, upset wasn't wanted or accepted.
So just act happy.
That's the way it is.
I'm always told if you're not happy you should still be a smiling ray of sunshine, no matter how ticked off you are.
So I'm always swallowing my anger, or pain.
Sometimes it burst through at times, but that's because the bottle can only be so full.
But it never goes away, it's eating away at me.
I just want to scream and smash my fist into the wall until they bleed.
Then maybe I'll feel some release. 
But I can't or don't.
I can't just ruin the walls and I can't just scream, the neighbors would probably have a fit and call the cops. Or just think I'm mental.
Oh wait, they probably already think that, but how should I know since I never see and or talk to them?
Not my fault everyone here is unsocial, but who am I to bitch? I'm not the social butterfly either.
But at least I try when I see them, I might as well be a fucking rock in their path for all they care.
But we're not bothering with the neighbor's right now, we're talking about my anger which wants to spill over and cause pain and or destruction for all the years it's been building up.
Unhealthy?
Maybe, I dunno.

Liam tells me I should just beat the shit out of something, a chair, or something. Just take a bat and beat it into teeny tiny little broken pieces.
But I can't do that, nope..
I'm supposed to be happy sun--shiny princess.
Sometimes... I used to wish, still do, that people would get into a fight with me. Just so I'd have an excuse to beat the living shit out of something.
See, I'm a mean bitch.
Most people don't believe it.
But it's true.

I honestly just want to smash my fist into someone's face and hurt them...
Not a healthy thought, but at least I haven't ever actually done it... right?
Well, I've hurt people. But it was always in "fake/play" fights.
And I honestly never meant to hurt them, it's just I got a little too excited or they did and we'd hurt each other on accident.
Normally it was them and not me. *cough*
Like my friend Zach and I, when I first moved to the dreaded Woodlands.
Well I don't really remember what started it, but I guess it was kind of a I'm as tough as you kind of thing...
Because I've always been a tough bitch and I'd never really lived in suburbs before, or been around bitches who are just so darn right pathetic before.
Most of my friends are guys, if that helps explain.
It's always been that way.
But anyway, so he and I, well we used to get into these "endurance" type fights.
Whoever gave up first was the LOOSERRR...
We'd kick each other in the shins and such until one of us was crying mercy.
Good times...
But yeah one day we got a little too excited and I kind of accidentally broke his knee cap.
Heh.
I felt bad, and still do.
So, my advice to youuu.
Never get into mercy kick fights on a trampoline.
It will probably just end badly, like it did that time..
He never told anyone I did it, he just mysteriously came back from the hospital with crutches and no one knew why.
Not even his parents.
Hell, I was 14 or 15 at the time?
We're still good buddies too.

I guess I got a little side tracked from what I've been talking about.
Well not completely, but if I didn't go all off-track-random in this post.
I'd probably just be cussing the world, well not exactly the world.
Just the people in it.
Kind of like a raging fit of absolute pissed-off-ness.
So yeah!
Mental?
Maybe...

Fan-Fucking-Tastic!

Yeah, that's right.
Turkey Day
Can kiss
MY ass.

Okay, I am not happy.
Well, I'm kind of happy, I've been laughing for about the past hour or so.
Reading Kat's newest blog-posts about Zombie Deer and all kinds of other things, and then I was checking out another blog, Jill's.
But anyway...
How was Thanksgiving?
It was a piece of shit.

I've decided that Thanksgiving is my LEAST favorite Holiday!

Our Neighbor came over and half brother and nephew came over.
And a lot of other shit I don't want to mention went down.

But anyway, on Monday. When Mr.A. finally got his ass out of the house and we dropped him off at the airport. We stayed the night at a La Quinta, and I decided La Quinta's suck.
They're all the same weird pale-peachy-pink color and I DISLIKE that color.
A lot.
We ended up having to move rooms because our window didn't lock.
Mrs.Z. is such a paranoid, but rather be safe than sorry?!

We order pizza, from Dominoes, they said 45 minutes.
Haha yeah...
An hour and a half later, Mrs.Z. is pissed and calling and they say, "Oh.. well we don't deliver there."
I was basically thinking, you just signed your death warrant, budd-eh.
So we had to call Aaaaanother Dominoes. (Yay...)
But anyway, 45 minutes later, I finally had my box of pepperoni hand-tossed pizza.
I was happy.

I was not happy the next day.
I found out I'm getting SURGERY?!
*FREAKING out a bit*

Apparently I need to get my tonsils and adenoids removed before I get a super-shitty-bad infection where the pain will be so bad, I'll want to shoot myself.
Go me.
I don't like doctors.
Or Hospitals.
Or Surgery.
And a lot of other things I don't like.
But those are the most important ones at the moment.

So I'm kind of stressing, yeah.
I don't want to have to deal with taking medications again...
When I had surgery to remove my wisdom teeth.
I lost like 14lbs. in 5 days, every dieters dreams, eh?
Well I didn't like it.
I slept basically the entire time and when I was up I was feeling shitty and loopy and downright dizzy.
My sleep schedule was where I woke up at 3-4am. and then I would fall asleep again at 7-8am.
Wonderful timing huh?
Well, this time, my recovery time is going to last about a week and a half to two weeks.
Gee! Nothing but ice cream for a week?!?
Doesn't sound like my kind of party.
Yeah I like ice cream, occasionally, but not that much!
I'm just going to have to deal with it I guess, but that doesn't mean I have to enjoy it.
And more medications to make my mind go loopy and my body say FUCK YOU.
I don't want to have to deal with that.....

I've got to go please Mrs.Z. real quick.
So I'll post more shiiiiitttt, later.

Been a while, eh?

Well...
It's been ages since I've written.
So here I am sitting in the recliner in the second living room/fireplace room.
On my new phone, which is an iPhone.
Wooptie doo daa day.

Anyway, Mr.A. Has been home since... Saturday.
I do believe he's leaving this Saturday.

I've decided thanksgiving is like, my least favorite holiday.
But oh well.

I've been in quite the shitty mood, I honestly don't feel like talking or writing.
But I'm trying a bit at the moment.
I'm tired though...
I need to write more tomorrow.
I can't keep my thoughts in line.

Eh bleh, bleh.

Time for another one of those...
Bitchmoanandgroan blogpost.

So here goes it.

The past few days... Hmm..
Where should I start?
There's honestly no beginning, it's just been, shit.
Didn't really notice the beginning and I don't see the end.
Yippee.

Saturday, looming ever closer.
Feeling like shit every day.
Been reading a lot.
What can I say?
I enjoy a good Anita Blake Vampire Hunter novel.

Also been playing Skyrim,
Shit.
Phone call.


6 Minutes, and counting.

Still going...


Man, can he talk...


47 minutes and still going...


And I thought they said girls talk a lot.

I've completely lost my train of thought after an hour on the phone...

So much for bitchingmoaningandgroaning, huh?

Ciao.

Okay so....

Alrighty.
My weekend, and why I have not written..?!
1. I was too lazy and just didn't think about writing. 
2. Been a bit depressedish if ya haven't noticed.
3. Friday was an interesting day...
4. Here's the story?!

Friday.
Had to go shopping with mom and little sister.
Got ready...Dreaded going shopping.
Went to the SPCA.
Looked at sad, adorable kittens, cats, dogs and puppies.
Picked out a kittten.----------------------------------------------------->
That's the kitten.
In the truck, kitten named herself.
Yes... she named herself, no joke!
I kept throwing out names and trying them out.
And all she did was stare out the truck window, she's a very chill kitty.
Then I say Zelda and she meows for the first time, and the last. Until today, when I came into my room and she acted all happy and purryfull to see me and bugged me for an hour or so, then went to play with my robe tie, and now she's shleeeping on the bed.

Oh...On Wednesday? I think it was.. I got a new phone..
An iPhone. <.<
I don't know whyy everyone makes such a big deal about it, but oh well.

Anyway, did not get to go skating on Friday... Again... it's been ages...

We ran into the store real quick and we had to hurry since kitty was in a carrier in the car.
Got home, was surprised I got Skyrim as an early birthday present.
Win.

Been playing it since, level 8 or so now... Today on the main quest was a bitch.
But I kicked ass, and such.

I don't have a lot to report...
Other than this Saturday Mr.A. is getting home... Possibly for two weeks?
So yeah...
Put some Anita Blake series books on my kindle..
I got one book last year on my birthday, not sure which one it was but then I checked the book files I got put onto my computer near my birthday this year and there was a whole bunch of them.
So I can actually read the series now, yay!

Haven't really been able to focus...
Today's no better.
Haven't really been talking to anyone much, except Paul and Maxxi.
Haven't spoken to Liam since Saturday morning/early afternoon.
Hoping he's alright.
This is the first time I've gotten on my computer since Friday for the 10-15 minutes or so I was on...

Been distracted with Skyrim.
It's a nice distraction and something new to do.
It's been taking my mind off of things, at least when I can actually focus.
Otherwise my mind is just a jumble of Idkwtf.
I need to write in my journal, it's been a long time since I've done that.
Been mostly writing on here...

Bleh...

Eh...

I feel so...
Empty..?
Blank..?
What is it..?

I try and keep my mood up, to ignore this feeling that always seems to be right there... Just waiting.
Then it sneaks up on me.
And I feel this... Whatever it is.
My mood isn't good but its not extremely bad...
It's just...
Bleh...

Rambling on.

Trapped in your own life by the circle of repeat-ion.
Same things over and over, just a different day.

They blend and hardly ever change.
It makes the time's pass almost unnoticeable, but at the same time unbearable.
The things around you, that you love, yet keep you trapped.
You can't seem to set yourself free or pull yourself loose.
You just want to pack your bag and walk.
Just for a break, a bit of change, something different...
You're tired of the blending and the unchanging.

My ex, Joe.
He doesn't like change, he despises it in fact.
He doesn't realize that people have to change to live, to survive.
It's necessary, needed, and eventually unpreventable.
He's changed, he probably doesn't realize it.
But I do, I've changed.
I know I've changed a lot over the years..
And I'll continue you to change, hopefully for the better.
Sure right now, I'm stuck in a rut.
Nothing seemingly is different from the past week, month, year.
But eventually, something's going to happen.
It just takes being able to survive the slow pace of it, being able to wait it out.

Then you once things differ from how they usually are, you have to be able to survive THAT change.
Life isn't easy and it's not meant to be.
One of my favorite sayings.
Life's a bitch because if it was easy, it'd be a slut.

It's not always easy to remember those things, but you've got to try and remind yourself.

You have to realize what you need to do to keep going, because other people can only do so much for you.
In the end, it's all you.
You.
Have to keep yourself going.
You.
Have to tell yourself to keep your head up and to stay strong.

No it's not easy, it never will be.
But it's not impossible to do.

It just takes doing it.
There is always going to be some type of bump in the road that makes you grit your teeth and wonder why there's a fucking rock in your way.
But you'll eventually figure it out and move on your way.

I might repeat, I might ramble, but sometimes that's what it takes.
You know?
Sometimes it takes reminding yourself or others than you can do it, you can get past it.
You can keep moving on.
It's hard, but do-able.
Don't give up just because you feel like there's no point.
Sure, there might not seem to be anything worth it right then.
But that's not your entire life, that's just then.

That moment, what about tomorrow?
A week, month, or year from now?
There's not telling where you could be then.

Regret...

Ah blah, blah, blah...

What to do, what to do?

Well, I've got no idea...so any ideas, let me know.

Listening to some music to keep myself chill and under control.
Today has just been an off day.
Considering how the past few days of been it shouldn't really be a surprise.

I don't know what to write, what to do, what to play, what to listen to, what to read...
I just don't know what to do.

I just want to break down.. but I can't.
I always seem to feel it at the wrong time, or just can't get myself to let go.
So I flood myself with music and occupy myself with things..

Never focusing on what I'm thinking or how I feel..
So I can keep control.

I'm afraid to break...
If I break what else will crumble down around me?...
I keep Mrs.Z. together... I keep little sister calm.
When everyone else is screaming and out of control I'm there to calm them down and comfort them.

It's like what happened when Gypsy was run over....
Little sister was in crying, screaming hysterics..
Mrs.Z. was crying and repeatedly saying "fuckers."

While all I could do was bite my tongue and keep the calm... I couldn't break down.
Then everyone would basically just fall.

I have to be the one to catch them..I can't let them down..
It's been drilled into me for years that I have to take care of them.
They need me together, not broken apart...

Sure, after Mrs.Z. was at the store and little sister was asleep.

I couldn't help but cry.. all I could do was say I'm sorry.. for not finding you sooner..
I'm sorry for not being there for you..

I'm so sorry I didn't save you..

I should've been there for you.. and I failed.. I failed you, and I failed everyone else..
I tried to find you.. I just didn't do it soon enough..

I'm sorry...

OMGWTF POWER OUTAGE !

Well, what's more fan-fucking-tastic than sitting around in the dark, waiting on your power to turn on.
I suppose it was about 4-5, I forgot when exactly.
But it started to rain, which I was excited about since well, you know, we're still recovering from that damned drought.
Okay, so I fling open my window.
1. I love the smell of rain.
2. The breeze is always nice.
3. I love the sound of rain.
4. I love to see rain.
So yeah, my window's open, and I'm doodling around on Minecraft finishing up my epic tag-playing-Nyan-Kittens.
Sounds epic, huh?

But anyway, so I'm chatting with Maxx, and Raden, and all of a sudden.

Click.

Tv shuts off, fan shuts off, lamp shuts off, and internet goes splat.
And I'm like, fuck me.
Normally the power flashes with storms so I was like, no biggie.

The storm didn't even seem that bad to me, but earlier in the day before it'd actually started raining.
We'd had tornado warnings for our county.

Don't worry, my witchy self kept the tornadoes away, but it didn't keep the power from shutting down for hoursss...
It came back on at like, 10:15pm.
It is now!
11:03pm.

You know what happened as soon as the power turned on?
What did Mrs.Z. decide to do?!

Take a wild guess.
Go ahead.
I'm waiting...
Okay, made your guess, yeah?!

Alright, alright, I'll tell you!

As soon as the lights turned on.
The bitch mode switched on to.
I guess Mrs.Z. runs on electricity.
OMG, I need to learn how to power her down occasionally....hmm....

Anyway so apparently I should've done this, and I should've done this, should've done that, and that, and that.
Well you know whattt...
It's kind of hard to do shit when you're working by the light of a glowstick.
And or candle.
But I'll be sure to work on that =.=

So yeah... that's most of my day.

The power outage was...so.... lame.

Little sister tried to pull me out of my nest of pillows to play Monopoly and I was repeatedly saying, just leave me beeee in my head.
I had Tio and Jezzabell with me, so I was warm and snuggly.
(I'll explain Jezzabell later.)

But yeah, steps away from the dooming task of owning properties and continuing to be the richest player on the board.
The neighbor's twins came over.
And little sister went outside to play with them, it was almost dark by then and I was sitting on the porch with Mrs.Z.
Watching them around, then we gave them glowsticks once it was past dark.

But yeah... so before I could write out this amazingly shit filled post, I had to do the dishes, so Mrs.Z. would shut up.

But yeah, that pretty much sums up my day...

Fuck people....

Today....
I got up...and started cleaning...

Then I realized Gypsy wasn't around, I wasn't worried yet.
I started calling and looking for her...
She wasn't out front, I checked there since the front door was open.
I decided to go and ask Mrs.Z. if she had her or knew where she was...
She didn't, and I told her I couldn't find her.

So I go back outside and start walking around the house, I had gone to the right of the front door..
I should've headed towards the left and down the drive...
I walked all the way around the house calling her, and getting worried now...
And then I made it around the house and at the beginning of the drive.
And out of the gate and on the other side of the road... was Gypsy.
She was just standing there looking at me.
And I started running to get her, she's not supposed to be by the road, especially this road...
I was running towards her and calling her.. and then I heard the car....

I felt the panic begin in the back of my mind as the scene played out terribly slow...
She was so happy to see me, she started running towards me.
In my mind I'm screaming no, stop, please...
I couldn't even get half way to the gate and the car.... hit her...
I watched as the front tire caught her dead on...rolled her over the tire....
The sound....
That bone crunching splat as she hit the road....

I'll never get the image of her small body being almost torn in half out of my mind... The sound will always haunt me....
The car didn't even slow... didn't stop... it was like Gypsy wasn't even there to them....
I stopped and stared....
Her small body lying there...It had happened so fast she probably didn't even know that the car hit her...

Mrs.Z. arrived by then... screaming get the gate key...
So I ran to the house and snatched the key and ran back...
Mrs.Z. had hopped the fence and gotten Gypsy's body out of the middle of the road... and was sitting at the end of the drive...
We both had tears running down our faces...

We buried her...

Now Mrs.Z. left for the store...
And I'm sitting here...
Beating myself up for not finding her or getting to her sooner...

My eyes sting and my throat burns...
Busted my knuckles from punching the wall...

They could have at least stopped... and said sorry...
I was right there....

It's amazing how quick it happens...
I had just given Gypsy a bath last night and she'd slept curled up against me... next to Tio...
She'd been playing with Dryer Venti this morning...
Before she passed...

I feel so blank...

Shittttt...

What to say?
OR shall I say write.
I suppose write would be more politically correct.
Nothing's really been going on.
Except my weird shitty feelings I've been getting at night.

Made a giant Togepi on Minecraft.
It looks epic if I do say so myself.

I stared at this page for about 30 minutes trying to figure out what to write.
But I was getting nowhere with that.
So I'm just writing randomly what comes to mind.

I haven't listened to music since the day before yesterday... I need to..
It'd probably help me write, normally does.

Going to try and keep Liam up for a reeeeally long time, he's staying up to go to the shop or some such.
Waiting on Max to get back, he went to take a shower.
He needs to write a new blogpost.
Liam needs to start a blog.
And yeah...

Mrs.Z. is turning into a bigger neat-wanter than usual.
Since Thanksgiving is coming up, she wants the house ABSOLUTELY spotless.
Our elderly neighbor is apparently supposed to be joining us.
I do believe Mr.A. is getting back on the 19 I believe it was...He'll be home for a while I think.

I need to get out of here.
I need to get a job, last time I tried no one even called back.
What with this shit economy and the fact I live in a teeny-tiny area.
Maybe if I dress more slutty-ish when I go to get applications?!
Works for other bitches, eh? xD
Okay but no really, I need a job but I'm not going to be a slut about it.

I want tea, fuck you, Liam. =.=

GhostBusters is on! Omg I haven't seen this in like...........................Erm..................Let's just say years.
Because I don't actually remember.

Mr.A. might be here for like, 2 weeks?
I'm not sure..
I haven't gotten all the details about it.

LIKE HOLY SHIT.
GUESS WHAT?!
5 days till Skyrim comes out.
*freaking out*
Yes!
I want to get it... But I don't know if I'll be able to as soon as it comes out.
Just have to wait and see I guess.

I have no idea what to say now....
I'll have to figure out my thoughts sometime.

Sleeeeeeppp..

I stayed up reeeally late, and then passed out.
I actually slept really good.
Like it wasn't one of my usual light sleeps where a lot of shit wakes me up or I wake up still feeling tired when I do wake up.
I actually had a deep sleep.
No dreams that I recall, which is fine with me.

I feel kind of refreshed I guess.
But only thing is, I must've slept a bit wrong because my muscles were screaming at me when I got up.
Haven't ate yet, and I don't really think there's anything to eat...
Except maybee I could fix tunnnaaa.
Love tuna..

I'm thinking about starting another blog... like a Minecraft blog or something.
But I'm not sure..
I'm undecided.
But I'm undecided on a lot of things. >.>

I'll figure it out.

Aghhhh...

Well,

What's getting to me now?
Why do I feel this restless.... What else is it I feel?
Irritation, frustration, sadness, anger, unease... what is it exactly?

Why can't I figure it out?
Who knows, not like it really matters.
I doubt even if I knew the reason of why that it'd help.

Maybe it would, but I have my doubts.
But I guess I doubt a lot of things.
But I've got my reasons for doing so.

I've been through too much shit not to doubt something or someone.

I mean, really..

Fuck this, I'm going to go take a hot bath and try and relax...

Hi..

So, what's up?
I'm not sure...

How am I feeling?
Not sure about that either.
Why?
I've got no fucking clue.

OMG.
I was looking through my drafts and saw that I had this so I had to post it.
1.Because there's a turtle.
2.It says NOM NOM NOM.
3.And there's a Strawberry!
Random fact...
When I was like 2 apparently I called strawberries, stuberries.
:D

51 Posties and Counting?!?!@?!? LIKEOMGSUPERHYPERRAGE?!

Okay...
So "apparently" I'm hyper.
But, the thing is, I'm not hyper.
I'm like super-duper-ultimate-hyper-ness-ish...
It's time to tell my super-duper cool story about my adventure to the kitchen, that happened like, 20 minutes ago?!
OKAY?!
Okay.
Fuck this I'll start from the beginning!

So I wake up at like 7-7:30am.
Because Dryer Venti was attacking my hand for attention, so I woke up petting her.
And I petted her for like 30 minutes until she made me get up to open the window so she could go outside.
Evil bitch, making me get out of my nest of pillows.

Anyway, so Mrs.Z. was leaving today, like I said yesterday... or early, early this morning?
Whatever!

Yay for music!
I turned some on and it makes me even hyper-er-er-ish.

What was I saying?
Oh right...Leaving, Mrs.Z. blah blah.
So she left at likee, 9am?!
I stayed in bed the whole time, on my iPod, on MSN mobile, chatting and texting Paulness.
Then she said bye and left, so I got bored of lying in my nest of pillows since I wasn't sleeping.
So I got up.
And took Dilver outtt...
(She's my 18 year old Australian Shepered, she's been there since I was 3 and she was 3 years at the time. So we're like the same age, which is pretty epic, she's my best friend.
Always been there for me, and I'll go into major depression when she passes on, which she's getting really old and slowing down, so it makes me sad!)

I'm off topic, sorry@!?@?!
Okay, so....Erm.....
So I came and opened up my laptop, grabbed a bottle of water, and turned it on.
By pushing the on button, and the blue light was like.
TING, hello!
And my laptop started up, and I opened up MSN and and then Firefox, and I stared at Firefox... because I couldn't remember why I had opened it in the first place...
So I was annoying Liam on Msn and trying to remember why the fuck I had opened up Firefox when i said fuck it and just opened up Youtube-ness.

I keep getting sidetracked at the moment because Paul is telling me about a chicken in his room?!
Who the fuck wants a chicken in their room D:
I have chickens, well they're not my chickens...they're Mrs.Z.s'? Chickens?!?@
And I don't really like chickens, they're annoying little fuckers!
But bantams are cuteeee, especially when they're little chickies!

BUT ANYWAY....
I was just looking at Minecraft videos of coool shiiit, and listening to music, and then I got on Minecraft singleplayer and then I was upset!
Because it lags!
And I'm wondering when Minecraft 1.9 comes out.
Maybe I should start a minecraft blog, and just blog about Minecraft shit that happens.
On the server I plan on starting today?!?@?
It's just an idea..!

Anyway, where was I headed with this?!
I've been completely off track, well not really, I said I'd start from the beginning and I have been I just keep getting distracted.

I opened the curtains and got blinded by the fucking sun D:

There I go again.... <.<

Anyway, erm....
So my kitchen mishap adventure!
I was talking to Liam and Raden, and I was all like.
"OMG, RAMEN TIME!"
And since it was Msn I have these cool little emotes.
So I started dancing my way to the kitchen and saw Dryer Venti sitting on the couch. So I ran towards the couch, and pounced onto it next to her.
Scaring the shit out of her, but I petted her and made everything better. :D

So then I danced to the kitchen like I had been before and started my ramen and made my way back to my room.
And I was telling Liam and later on Paul when he got back from walking his dog or some such.
And then I heard the timer go off so I danced back to the kitchen and I went into the pantry and tried to get a box off the tip-pity-top shelf.

And something huge, like flew down at me and all I knew was it was dark and looked weird.
So I started spazzing out and doing a weird jig to get it off and then I realized it was a crumbled up leaf, and I didn't think it was very funny.
But everyone I mentioned it to laughed at me.
So I was like fuck them!

I got distracted again changing my Msn picture then raging because Liam couldn't see it then I went and changed it again and then he told me he could see it.
So I raged again and changed it back and the kitty just makes me laugh.
And it's like it's going SURPRISE :D!

I love kitties...<.<

Anyway, so it's still early-ish-mid day so there's no telling what's going to go on o.o

But anyway I want to mention this dude on Youtube, called Dj Ken.
Because he's cool and I like his music, and I think more people should check him out, I've been listening to him for a while.
So I'm going to post a link to his channel and or a song that I like?!

Just almost choked on my stupid Mtn Dew :l

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SMoyvokm1hA&feature=related

That's to his song Rise, I just heard it today, but I like ittt. :D
And fuck getting the link for his channel, that's a lot of clicking, you can do it yourself by clicking on that link and then clicking on his name, which will take you to his Youtube-Channel-Ness.
It's easy, I swear!
xD

But yeah, I guess I'm done posting at the moment...
I just keep getting distracted!
So post more shit later?!?!

Restless and sleepless.

Obviously, my title says it all.
I can't sleep.
So I'm lying here, in the dark.
Other than my iPod touch. (Which is bright as hell in my dark room.)
My Halloween was a fail, and so was my post on Halloween.
But oh well, there's always next year...
Next year...
Fuck...
Where will I be next year I wonder?

My back's hurting...
I think tomorrow is going to be... Interesting is the word that will have to do.
Mrs.Z. Will be gone most of the day if not all day.
I can almost bet she'll bitch when she arrives back at home.
But I guess we'll wait and see.

I'm a bit tired now... But I still can't sleep..
Sometimes I wonder what's wrong with me.
I'll just blame it all on insanity, because apparently you can get away with killing some guy. If you plead insanity and swear that when you were attacking that guy you thought he was a zombie....
So if you're going to kill someone, scream that they're a zombie.

Why is my fan so loud?!
I always have my ceiling fan on, I don't like still air.
But tonight it seems extra creaky...

Alright, back to trying to sleep and just succeeding at tossing and turning.

Halloween post fail.

Happy Halloween.

What comes to mind when you hear "Halloween"?
Kids dressed up, going door to door trick-or-treating?
Sexy costume parties?
Handing out candy or just sitting at home watching spooky movies all night?

I remember when I was little, Halloween was almost never mentioned.
I guess because I lived in the mountains of NC.
And almost no one there celebrated Halloween? Least not that I knew of, and we hardly ever celebrated, until I was about 11.
And we lived in a very big suburban area, that's when I really got to actually go trick-or treating for the first time.
I enjoyed it, dressing up and getting candy.
What a great Holiday?!

I don't get why a lot of people don't celebrate Halloween, it's not a bad holiday.
It's just a time to get dressed up and have some fun?

This Halloween though, I'm not going to get dressed up.
And I'm not really going to get and do anything fun, I'll probably just stay up late and watch spooky movies and try and creep myself out.
But the thing is, I normally laugh at horror movies.
Mostly because the people in them are completely stupid and do the opposite thing they're supposed to do to survive.
"Oh look! There's a creepy dark basement! We should go down there and see what's in there!"

Yeah dumb ass, go ahead. And then I get to watch your stupid self scream while the killer chases you through the house, or traps you in the basement.

Sometimes I actually yell at the people on TV about how stupid they are.
Unless it's like on Last House on the Left, that movie bothered me a bit.
But only during the scene where the bastard dude rapes the main-star-chica.
Wanted to cut his balls off right then.
But they got what they deserved, except at the end I think her Dr.Dad could've made the guy's torture last a bit longer.
I would've made it last longer, but oh well.
Beggars can't be choosers, hmm?

Anyway about trick or treating.
I was never really happy with the candy selection I'd get!
Everyone always hands out chocolate, like Reese's peanut butter cups, Snickers, Baby Ruths.
That's just not my kind of candy, I'm not really a peanut butter, chocolate, caramel, mint type person.
So I'd always end up giving more than half of my stash to my family, because those candies just make me want to throw up.
Especially Hershey's bars.
Just the smell of those makes me feel sick!

I'm trying to find some good spooky music, and why does the weather have to be so nice today?!
I wish it was more cloudy and over-cast. Add some rain, be perfect.
Still recovering from a drought...

Today just doesn't really feel like Halloween.
I kind of wish we lived in a more populated area.. be able to go trick or treating, or hand out candy.. Or throw a Halloween party or go to one.

But noooo... we live in the middle of nowhere, where almost no one celebrates Halloween.

I should get a good creepy book to read, nothing better than a good book.
Especially one with a creepy plot.
I love a good mystery.

Maybe I'll look more into starting my server for Minecraft today.
I don't have much else to do anyway..

I keep getting distracted, I'll have to write a better post later.

Eh, well...

Sitting here, listening to music.
Trying to distract myself from...Boredom.
I guess..
Yesterday was alright.
Woke up at 5:40am, after falling asleep at like 3am.
Got up, I was the first up.
We had to get up anyway, we were headed to Tyler. A town that's about 2 and a half hours from where we are.
I pulled out some jeans, and a tee.
Got dressed, and walked out of my room to grab myself something to drink.
As I walked through the foyer into the living room, Mrs.Z. was up and walking past me.
Said good morning.
And continued on my way into the kitchen.
Grabbed a drink, and started finish getting ready.
Made sure the dog's would be fine, sent my neighbor a long ass text message saying how to feed the animals.
Gave Dryer Venti a treat, since I wouldn't see her and I knew she'd be stuck outside with Tuggems. The bitchiest cat I think we've ever had, she's mentally crazy.
Vet told us so.
Her actual name.
Sugar Bugar.
Did I name her?
No...
Who did?
Mr.A. if you can believe that.

Anyway, so we hit the road, long ass drive.
But the scenery was alright.
Met with Aunt R.
At the hotel... and then we checked in, then headed out to restaurant, to grab some lunch.
Chuy's, the Mexican restaurant was chosen.
Was fine with me, I love salsa and they had epic Chili con Queso.

But anyway, we went to the zoo after that.
The animals I wanted to see most were of course off exhibit.
Then the skating rink was fucking closed.
So....we stayed and played board games, which we'd picked up at Target before we'd gotten back to the hotel.
We had adjoined rooms, so little sister climbed in with Aunt R. and Mrs.Z. took one of the double beds.
So I had a bed to myself.
Mrs.Z. was apparently burning up, so she set the air at 60...
How fun, huh?
I couldn't sleep well.
I hardly ever do, but anyway...
Hotels creep me out..
Was a long drive back home.
Really glad to be back home to be honest...

I laugh at the random conversations I have.

Had a weird, awkward fun conversation with my friend.
Haha. Yeah...

Anyway onto something I can speak of better at the moment.
SERVERCRAFT.
The evil, horrifically slow serviced Minecraft wannabe hosters.

They say they're great and easy to use, and that they're customer service is wonderful.
Well, that's a bunch of BULLSHIT.
It takes hours upon hours to receive an email back from them with help, they don't have a "live-chat" customer service.
Like this other server hosting site I think I shall look into.
Anyway what started my extreme dislike of Servercraft was this....

STORY TIME, grab your tea and shut the hell up and read!!?

Okay, so yesterday afternoon or evening.
It was about okay, well I forgot exactly when it was between 4 and 6pm?!
But anyway, it was outside with cloud cover and a cool breeze, well it was cool in general but especially with the breeze.
I doing my usual thing, chatting, listening to music, being bored.
All that fun stuff and such, well then I started looking at the server sites again, and of course the good site I'm looking at now couldn't have shown up until after all my BS with Servercraft.
Anyway back to what i was saying...
I was checking out the options, prices, and asking people what they thought. (People as in the people I was chatting with, and who also play Minecraft, most of that thanks to me.)

Anywho...

So I finally decided on one, because everyone thought it looked uberrrrific and shit.
So I'm like, okay?!
So I go to ask Mrs.Zilla about it and explain shit to her.
It was kind of like...
"Well, it's got these features, the price seems pretty alright...etc...etc.."
What Mrs.Z. probably heard was, "Blah, blah blah, cost money, blah blah, fun, blah blah, try, blah blah please?"
So she nods and gives the a o-kaaaayy.

(She despises computers, internet, pretty much anything technological)
Oh....(Except the tv, she seems to like that.)

Back to what I was saying.
So I get all excited like a kid in a candy shop with a 50 dollar bill.
Basically bouncing with excitement, so I snatch up the evil device known as a purse which as a girl I apparently must have, and which I DO have to have it, but I only take it when I have to.

Which is a complicated story, blah blah blah.
Anyway, so I grab my wallet and open it up, find my nifty-difty card of uberness.
I get my internet (OH GOOD FUCKING STORY FOR AFTER THIS!)
(If I don't forget later, I'm a bit distracted, also a bit complicated)
ANYWAY...

What was I saying...
Right! Server nonsense.
So I get myself all set up on the site of absolute wretchedness, which I did not know it to be at the time.
Sucks huh?
But I got myself set up, and get a long bullshit email saying basically, "We're working on your server now, blah blah blah, should be ready in less than 24/7.
So I waited, and waited, and waited...
Finally at like 12am I got an email saying your server is working, so I log into the control panel website thing, and look around. Expecting the easy thing they said there would be. What I got instead was a laggy bullshit of a page full of tiny tabs and those tabs were full of more tabs, and then some tabs took you to different sites while other tabs took you to fucking files you weren't supposed to fuck up.
So I play around with it, and mess with it, and look it over.
(Is this sounding extremely wrong to anyone else? I'm insanely corrupted right now.)

But anyway!
I keep losing my train of thought from, music, horror movie on the tv, IM's and text messages. o.o

But yeah...
So then all of a sudden I click on this certain tab and it says I need authorization and ask me for Username and Password.
So I'm like...okay?
I enter the Username and Password and nothing fucking happened.
The screen reloaded, and then I try again and it does the same exact thing.
I did this about 20 fucking times before I marched my happy ass over to the "submit a ticket" place.
(AKA, send all bitching messages here tab)
So I send a "ticket" and I'm like, WTF HELP.
I said more than that, but oh well?!
So  then I wait....and wait...and then I figure out the problem on my own?!
I was like fuck you people.
Fucking slower than a two legged turtle.

So I get the thing to respond and then I go to use my server IP and I type it into the Multiplayer direct connect tabby doodle.
And it says...."BAD ID PACKET."
So then.... I am annoyed, angry and frustrated and in a bitchy ass mood.
So I try a few more times, then send another fucking bitch ticket.
AND WAIT...
But it was about 1-2am by then.
I was annoyed and starting to feel the zombie effects.

*grabs Dr.Pepper*
Remembering all this shit is ticking me off again, and making me thirsty!

Anyway.
So I get off and I'm like fuck it, I'll bother myself with it tomorrow..
Which I did..
For hours and then more problems showed up and more and more.
So I was like, BITCH TICKET TIME.
I sent them a ticket demanding the refund they promise.
And I knew I'd be in for a wait.
So myself and a few Minecrafting buddies went and fucked around on it.
Till the server was disabled a few hours later.
And I got an email, saying.
"Sorry we couldn't assist you further, your refund should arrive within a few business days and you will no longer be charged."
Basically... if I don't get the refund and the refund was never an option in the first place it would've been like this....
"Thanks for sending us your money, we're kind of like those claw machines at stores and restaurants, that you feed your dollar bills and coins into. Trying to get that one fucking stuffed animal that you or your friend/kid/family member wants SO DAMN BAD. So you try and you try and you try and then you fucking rage and when you do rage if at that time you had a crowbar or a baseball bat.
You'd take it and smash the machine into itty-bitty-teeny-weeny little pieces and then set it on fire and watch all of it BURN."    

I feel so much better after letting my vented rage out!
Would've been better if I could've taken a baseball bat to a car or something...but this works too!

So....Next story which I haven't forgotten!@
My internet no less than an hour ago, had a fucking fail.
It was like, it was trying to climax, but then it passed out.
So basically it got fucked over.
And then I had to close my internet down and then wait for it to reconnect and then open up the browser window again.
Enter all my fucking webpages and then watch it all lag again, and go "HAHA, fuck you, bitch!"
So then I raged a bit, and it started working.

But yeah.... This picture fits how I felt.

My Annoyed, bitchy, GTFO picture?!

Too tired, wth?

I'm so tired, it's not even funny.
It's still early?!
I guess my 3-4hours is catching up to me.
Because I'm just fucking exhausted.

Also have a headache, not sure if it's from being so damned tired or from not having eaten much today.
Probably a combination of both.

....Hmm.
I'm really so tired I can't even think of what I wanted to say earlier.
Guess I should've started this a lot earlier...
But how was I supposed to know I'd run into a brick wall of thick exhaustion?!

Maybe I'll hit that stage where I'm so tired that I'm not tired...

The zombie stage as my friend calls it.

Maybe I should just go to sleep early... and try and catch up on sleep.
I'm supposed to get up early and do the fucking rodeo tomorrow.
(I'll explain that later, probably tomorrow. Since I get ticked off every time we have to do it.)

Anyway...Off to deciding what to do..

Madness...I had a cool name, Madness Monday, but it's 2:54am that I'm posting, so it's technically not Monday anymore...

Well, last night was shit.
Today was...Kind of shitty.

Didn't speak about what happened Sunday, Mr.J. paid me back and left.
I guess he couldn't stand the thought of dealing with Mr.A. for any extended period of time.
He was out quicker than it took him to move in.

I want tea...

But anyway, didn't sleep worth a shit last night.
And my iPod and blogger fucked me over at about 1-2am.
I wrote out a blogpost, because I couldn't sleep. (I laid down early because I was feeling like shit and everyone I was supposed to get up early-ish.)
But yeah, I wrote out a post on how I was feeling and such, and then my iPod and blogger lagged... iPod kicked me off the app and blogger didn't save the draft.
So I was like, fuck it...

I stared at the wall for a few hours.. since I didn't want to do anything, yet I couldn't sleep.
Then I finally passed out at like, 3-4.
And then!
Tio, the wonderful cuddle buddy of mine.
Was not cuddling and keeping me warm under the covers.
He was standing by the door, barking quietly at me to get the fuck up.
And I looked at my phone to see what time it was...5:48am.
Well, that's fucking wonderful, Tio.
Thanks a lot!

So I had to get up, out of my warm, comfortable, "nest" of pillows.
And go out into the chill morning to chain Tio up, but fuck it.
His chain was too far for me to get up again when he started barking from getting cold.
Because I sure as hell wasn't dressing him.
So I snatched the chain of  the post and hooked it up on the bush that's near my window.

So like I knew would probably happened, by the time I zombie walked myself back to bed and got snuggled back into my pillows and blankets.
He started barking.
I seriously thought about leaving him out there, but his skinny ass would freeze and I'd feel bad.
And I knew he'd snuggle right into the covers as soon as I got him inside, so I got up, flung open my window.
Snatched his skinny self up and threw him on the bed, slammed the window and laid back down.

I dozed back off pretty quickly, only to be awoken by Mrs.Z. shortly after that.
Saying, "It's his last day here, get up."
So... I had to get up, luckily I wasn't as exhausted as I should've been.
So I had to deal with them, and then get ready to take the long, boring ass drive to the airport.
I wasn't getting away with not going this time.
So we went to eat at Joe's Crab Shack, which is about 5 minutes from the airport.
It was quite disappointing in my opinion, but they seemed to like it.

So then we dropped Mr.A. off at the airport.
I can't say I was sad about it, maybe it makes me a bad person. But I don't mind that he works out of town.

And then we drive to my Mrs.Z.'s friend's house, who lives in that general area.
At least it didn't take as long as it normally does.
So then we have the long ride home.

Got home after dark, we're all worried about Tio who got left outside because we didn't expect to be gone that long...
But he was fine and shit.

I learned about Omegle.com today..
Quite an interesting site.
Met an interesting person who wanted to "play out a story" with me.
Gave me the plot then just said to wing it, so we did.
Was pretty weird.
But entertaining too.
Talked to Paul, then he went to sleep and such.
Then I've been talking to Andy and Liam, just joking around.

I'd give more detail except it's 2:45am.
The sleepless night/nights are steadily catching up with me, and yeah...

I'm about ready to head to my nest of pillows..
Curl up and chat a bit more on my iPod then pass out.

Liam disappeared, not sure what he said before he did.
But now Raden is entertaining himself with Skype emotes.

Oh there's Liam, and now Raden is trying to get me to make little "stories" with the emotes too.
Ah-ha!

The mystery of the disappearing Liam has been solved.
Apparently his Mrs.Z. throws crazy morning godzillabitch fits toooo.

Fuck me.
I'm getting into bed, my knee hurts and I, well i just love my pillows.
Can't have too many of them to be honest!

Time4nest0fpillowstimeeee.

Fuck

People are so full of shit.
I don't get it...
I'm not supposed to talk to people?
Unless it's a certain person or some shit?
That's retarded.
Majorly retarded.

I just don't get why people try to control me, or tell me how to act, or who I should be, who I can or can't talk to...
That's just a bunch of shit.

I'm not just going to let someone say who I can talk to or who I can be friend's with.

Fuck that shit.

Am I wrong to want to rebel from something like that?
Am I wrong to think it's wrong?
Am I wrong to think that's full of shit??

I don't try to control who people talk to, or who they're friend's with.
So WTF?

Whatever...

Blehhhhh

Feel like shit.
Feel like shit.
Feel like shit.
Oh and,
Did I mention I feel like shit?
Oh.. I did?
Well once more won't hurt..
I feel like shit!

Lying in bed, using my iPod to blog...
Because I didn't last night...
And I didn't feel like sneaking onto my laptop like the epic witch ninja I am.
So yeah...
Blogging on the pod..
Fun...
I normally always end up getting fucked over by auto-correct...
It will probably happen this time too.

Have a headache.. Had it for a few hours now, took something for it.
Didn't help much.
Waiting for Monday, when Mr.A. Leaves, or he's supposed to.
I'm always worried something will prevent him from leaving.
Watching some fucked up movie on Syfy called Halloween...

Mrs.Z. And sis attacked me earlier, wouldn't fuck off for like, an hour or so.

Haven't really been able to chat with anyone.. And no ones made me feel better..
My own fault I feel like shit I guess, but it helps if I talk to someone who makes me laugh or something.
But oh well...
I wonder how tomorrow will be...

Daa daa daaa!

Well, well, it's 10:00pm exactly.
I just finished putting books on the kindle my sister just got and then I put a few more on mine.
Now she's asking me a million questions, about books and fonts and such.
Just read the damn instructions or the fucking books I put on there!
Gosh!
Anyway....Drama on the facebook was a flying, what with "Mashley" possibly finally telling the truth.
Random gossip many people have assumed was true, I especially believed it when I "voice chatted" once.

But let's leave this drama fuckshit alone for the moment, doesn't really even matter.

I'm using Google Chrome at the moment, Maxxi was talking to me about it last night when I was on call with Liam, Max, and Paul. On Skype...Yes... I started using Skype recently, I couldn't believe it either.

But Paul had left by the time we started blabbing about Google Chrome, Liam's old, old millllion year old computer, and how Max wants "alienware" and about how Max needed to get a better fucking Mic.

So much fun, huh?~

I stayed up late, but not late enough, I was just so damn tired and it's a good thing I did lay down when I did because my mom was up soon after that.
I would've been fucked if she knew I'd been up.

At least I didn't have to wake up and go to the airport, and little sis' still won't shut upppp!

I've been sketching a bit today, started working on a landscapers.
It's looking pretty good, still working on the forest part.

I felt like shit today but I caught up on a lot of sleep. o.o

Haven't been sleeping well, as I've complained about a million times now.
But yeah....

I'm only on my laptop at the moment because Mr.A. is asleep, and I wasn't wanting to try and write a post on my iPod...Done it before but it's just so much easier if I type it than if I stare at my iPod touch's screen and hope it doesn't fuck me over with some shitty auto-correction fail.
Like it has before. <.<

My sister is trying to suffocate the cat because she just came inside from outside and back into my room, which my window is open with a mini-fan sitting on the windowsill blowing the air inside my room.
Because I think it feels amazingly nice outside, especially after all this hot-dry-drought weather.
We still need rain, but at least it's not so fucking hot.

It feels so nice typing after having been chatting on my iPod all day, bored out of my mind!?

Well, little sister left again.
Dryer Venti is trying to straighten her hair out, quite indignant she is
She's just so adorableeee.
Btw....LIAM GET A FUCKING CAMERA, I WANT TO SEE TOASTY!

 I'm tired....?
What the heeeelll....
I slept enough, I shouldn't still be tired, for fucks sake.

I still need to read.. I never did, I got side tracked by sketching.
I guess that's what I'll be doing with my night-owl hours.

Trying to talk another friend into starting a blog, still trying to convince Raden and Liam..
Liam just keeps saying "maybe" psssh...

He'd like it more than likely if he  would just try it.
Paul seems to like it, he keeps bitching about college.
He's way too stressed out. >.>
And I thought I worried a lot.

Oh she's back...

She just threw Dryer Venti off the fucking bed -.-
That's not going to fly.
All she said was "I set her...well, erm.."

Then Tio barked at the door so I told her to let him in.
She needs to go read somewhere else >.>

Dryer was on the bed before she was.

Oi. My laptop wasn't charging, the cord's been bitching for like months now.
But I still know how to tease it into working.
But normally one of the dog's fucks it up and I don't notice till the laptopers about to die.

Liam just called me.
He's making me want tea.
The bastard.
Just kidding, Liam!
But seriously...I want tea.