Apparently a Mermaid

I got called a Mermaid today.

First time that's happened...
But I guess it's going to happen when I can't stop talking about how much I miss swimming.

Before we moved to where I live now, I used to swim every day.
For at least 5 hours if not more.
Sometimes I would swim from when the pool opened to when it closed.
(10:00am - 8:00pm)

So, if you cannot tell.
I love swimming.
Honestly, I love water in general.

When I swim, I feel amazingly relaxed and happy.
I've apparently always taken to water since I was younger.

I've heard countless stories involving water and myself.

I miss it so much!
There's no pool around that's close by, at least not that I've found yet.
And the lake is about 45 minutes away, and we don't go often.
We haven't gone this year and we only went 2-3 times last year.

Not. Enough. Swimming.

If I could I'd go swimming again every day, all day...
But alas...
For swimming,
You need water.

And I do not find it funny, when someone says to fill up the bathtub.
IT IS NOT THE SAME THING.

You can't swim in a bathtub.
Unless you're uber-rich and have a fuckton of money and can afford a really big bathtub.

I plan on making a dream pool one day, and I'll love it!
But it'll take a long time to find a place to put that pool and get money to build that pool.

Maybe I should just live by the sea.
But I don't enjoy hurricanes...
Maybe a lake, but normally lakes have a bunch of weirdos or rich folks around.
I don't enjoy either of those...

MAYBE...
I need to find myself a mystical secret lake with a waterfall.

Yeah.
I like that idea.

So until I get to go swimming I'll just continue to sadly think about swimming.

-Victoria

Learning to be Me

Why is it easier to write in a book that no one ever reads?
Because it’s easier to pretend you’re talking to someone than it is to actually spill out your soul to someone.
Talking about yourself, it’s a pain in the ass. Unless you’re one of those weird ass people who are obsessed with themselves and thinks everyone loves you, when instead they actually just get really fucking ticked off around you.
Explaining your thoughts, and feelings, it’s hard to open up and do that.
At least it is for me, I’ve been trying to learn how to just stop being an emotional wall.
People don’t understand why I am the way I am, and I can’t really explain it to them.

How do you explain something that they haven’t experienced or you’re not sure how to explain?
How can you tell them that you’re like this because of what others have done, so you learned how to protect yourself?
I’ve tried explaining before, and normally people just tell me the past is the past and that I need to stop worrying about people hurting me, or worrying about people being stupid.
They don’t understand.

Maybe that works for them, maybe they haven’t had a lot of people hurt them.
Forgive and forget they say, but some things you can’t forget and some things you can only partially forgive.
I guess I’m one of the people that will always remember, I’ve always been able to remember weird things or things I shouldn’t be able to remember I do.
Probably not a fantastic thing, but I can’t exactly help it.
I don’t automatically expect everyone to hurt me, be stupid, or just an ass.
But I can’t help be wary.
Let’s just say it’s a survival thing, because if I was always a bundle of joy expecting the best out of everyone, then I would’ve been crushed a long time ago.
Hell, maybe some of me was and that’s why I am who I am now.
But I don’t regret it, maybe some small parts.

At least it’s helping me become the person I’m hopefully supposed to be.
Maybe, just who I want to be.

-Victoria

Dear.Auto-Correct, please stop hating.

You know I find Auto-Corrections hilarious. (at least when it's happening to other people...)
When it happens to me it's just a slight annoyance, but when I see pictures of other peoples' mistakes, I wonder...

 I wonder how people let this kind of stuff happen?
I normally re-read my text before I send to make sure I've spelled everything correctly and such. (I don't like misspelling...)

So how do people miss that?!----->    




I can understand not having a compulsion need to check your spelling, but how do you not notice your phone decided to fuck you over with "douching" instead of "coughing."


I've seen so many photos of auto-correction failings, on lolphotos.net, damnlol.com, damnyouautocorrect.com
Blah...
Blah...
Blah...

But it makes me laugh... so does that make me a bad person at laughing at other peoples misfortune with the bitch known as auto-correct?

I think someone uses the world "anal" more than they use the word "nap"...

I don't think Amy minded that he was going to be 20 minutes hard late.



                                                 
                                        I'm still laughing.... haha!


So anyway!
This post was pretty much pointless...
I wanted to do something though.... so why not make myself laugh?!

Which I succeeded at doing, so go me.

What's a "family tree?"

You know, I just realized, I have a really funked up family situation tree thing.
(Okay, I didn't just realize that but it just really hit me all of a sudden how weird it really is..)

Ever since I was younger, really the only family I've known has been my mother, my sister and my father.
When I was younger everyone would always have big parties with aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc. etc.
And I would wonder why I almost never saw any of my uncles, aunts, etc. etc.
Of course now that I'm older and I think back to all the times when I did see the rest of my family besides the fantastic four.
I realize most of the time they weren't very pleasant events.

We lived in TX since I was born (so born in raised in TX...mostly.)
Because when I was six, right after my sister was born, we moved to my father's hometown in North Carolina.
I of course was ecstatic about the move and seeing a new place, being six I had no idea that the drive to North Carolina would be so long and incredibly uneventful.
Besides seeing new cities, we mostly just drove down the highway/interstate so it wasn't an amazing drive.
The only thing that was actually memorable from that long ass drive is I remember seeing a glass pyramid thing. I'm not sure what state or city it was in but that's the only thing from that drive that's stuck with me through the years.
The glass was dark and was reflecting the sun and I was fascinated by it.

But once we got to North Carolina and got settled, (what happened once we got there is an interesting story for later maybe) but we met my father's mother and his youngest brother.
Now I've always been shy meeting new people and my Uncle for some reason terrified me.
And so did my grandmother.
I didn't get to know her that well because she and my mother didn't get along and she didn't get along very well with her own son, my father.

She also decided that since I looked just like my mother that I was just an annoyance, but my sister who was only a few months and had my father's blue eyes, was what my grandmother decided she'd focus her attention on when we ever went to see her.
I don't remember visiting my uncle very much and I never saw my mother's side of the family while we lived in North Carolina.
But the day before my 9th birthday we moved back to TX.

And we moved into the house next to my other uncle, the middle child.
(If you haven't figured it out yet, my father is the oldest of three children.)

He was my favorite uncle at the time since I hadn't really met any of my other family.
Then we got into contact with my mother's father.
(My mother's got a very complicated family story)

He and my step-grandmother we saw just a few times, until we really started going to the family gatherings. Where my mother's grandmother and her children and their children got together.
I've always felt out of place in those family meetings, yes people are nice but since I didn't grow up around them they act like I'm just a tolerated person normally.

My sister of course who's still quite young is loved by all, so through the years they've watched her grow up.
And me I just still didn't fit in with them.
There's a six year difference between my sister and I.

When I was younger I stopped getting my hopes up about family, because they don't really treat us like family.
They treat my mother quite well since she was with them some of the time through her life and now she's just an out going, crazy woman. So she pretty much fits in, and my sister is very out going to.
But with a lot of shit I've been through I'm normally not very out going.
So I guess it's my own fault that I'm reserved towards these people, but I can't help but wish they'd tried a little bit harder to get to know me.

But since I've gotten older I've realized that I'm never going to fit in with them.
They all dye their hair blonde and act like wannabe Barbies who act high and mighty.
My uncles are just weird.
So me being my I'll be who I want to be and not molding myself to fit their expectations, am the odd one out.
And honestly, I think I'm happy to stay that way.
I'd rather be loved for my crazy self than a fake bitch just trying to fit in.

Now I'd explain more about the half brothers and sister I apparently have, but I think this post is long enough...
Sooo....

-Victoria