Do you ever Wonder?

What is it like?
What is it like to not understand anything?
Do you ever wonder why death fascinates us so?
Why it scares others and others can’t wait for it?
Have you ever wondered if the ones who fear it are doomed and the ones who accept it aren’t?
What happens when you die?
That question has been asked a million times if not more, and the answer.
The answer is probably it’s different for everyone.

Could how you think determine what happens?

A lot of people say it will, say it all depends on how you treat others or act in life.
What if that’s only a small part of it? What if it’s not just how you act, but how you think?
If you think something bad is going to happen, it usually will.
So if you think you’re going to a place called hell, will you?
If you believe in a place where you’ll be happy, a place some people call heaven.
Will you end up there?
If you believe in having another life, will you have one?

What if you believe in nothing?
Is that what will happen to you?
You think there’s nothing once you’ve died.
So will that be it for you?
You think there’s nothing so you’ll get nothing?

Picture says it all.

So the past few days have been interesting, I suppose.
I've mostly been chilling out and I haven't done much writing. I know I should be writing, stories, posts and journal entries aren't going to write themselves.
But sometimes I just can't seem to push myself to write.
Especially when I'm busy with house work, neighbors, neighbor's kid's parties.
Parties that are coming up, being invited to a graduation party for the neighbor when he never even talks to me?
He just wants a fucking gift, what a prick..

But my mind has just been all over the place, I mean with my over-thinking everything some things that means shit is really out of whack and I've been thinking EVEN more.

I don't know, it's hard to keep it all in line so I can actually focus on things I want to focus on or need to focus on. So basically the only escape I get is blasting music and trying to block out everything.
Which normally doesn't happen or go well.

So fuck!

But yeah, too many things to do lately.
I'm not a super social-happy-butterfly.

The reason I'm getting invited to the neighbor's kid's party, is because of my sister and also because I'm amazing with kids and who doesn't need help at a 7 year old's party?
Especially since he and his brothers are completely crazy and out of control hooligans.

It's hard being so amazingly fantastic.

Anyway, I'm going skating tonight so I'll get to go feel sexy skating around to music and enjoying the black lights when they get turned on.
Then tomorrow I get to get attacked by children and play lifeguard.

Don't think I have any plans for Sunday, then I have to get ready for that party at my mother's friend's granddaughter's party thing.

Yippee.

I'm so fucking excited if you can't tell!

Then I get to get ready for that graduation thing, fucking awesome.

I think I want to go be a hermit, and just live by the sea and pretend to be a mermaid and hide if people see me.
Yeah, that seems like a good plan. 

May I Skip Giving This A Title?

Okay so… yesterday was really weird.
I shouldn’t drink two Red Bulls in one day when I’ve only had one meal. Too much Red Bull and not enough food is bad.
REALLY BAD.

You’d think I’d know that by now since I already had something kind of like that happen before, except it was much worse. But that’s a different story for later, maybe.

So today I’m being driven nuts by 17 day old kittens who are finally deciding their little box of cozy awesomeness, isn’t so awesome anymore. They’ve decided that walking around, mewing at the top of their lungs and trying to investigate everything is much better.
While for me, it’s a fluffy walking nightmare.

Having to make sure kittens don’t get lost, stepped on or get into shit they’re not supposed to, is fucking irritating! But at the same time, it’s fucking adorable and I love it.
So, I guess I don’t mind too much, but getting up a million times while trying to write or something does get tiresome after a while.
Why do they have to be so loud anyway?
But whatever, kittens will be kittens.

I am starving, it’s 12:01pm. I really need to get some lunch soon.

But anyway, I’m already stressing about the 27^th.
My mother’s friend’s granddaughter is having a party or some shit, and her grandmother absolutely fucking loves us, so we always get invited to their party things.
It was awkward last time, and that’s when I had the Red Bull freak out. Long story, like I said.

But her granddaughter does NOT like me, mostly because at the party they had gotten a waterslide and stuff for everybody to have fun with. Well, I just happened to look better in a bathing suit than she did, and her and her little slutty friends decided I was going to be the target of their snotty looks.
But I didn’t know anybody there except her grandmother, my mother and my sister. Oh and the grandmother’s husband.

So it kind of sucked that the only people to talk to were either older people who I don’t mind having conversations with, but they’d mostly like to drink beer or need to keep an eye on the kids.
And I always end up watching some kid or kids, because I’m fucking amazing with kids and since all the other young adults my age either suck with kids or don’t give a flying fuck I normally end up getting put up for the job.

I don’t mind I guess, gives me something to do. Since none of the guys will talk to me because they’re with the slutty bitches giving me dirty looks and I don’t talk to them because I have this issue of major shyness that I can’t seem to get around normally.

So the party wasn’t that great for me, and this party is going to have a waterslide again, and the same slutty bitches with the dirty looks too.
Doesn’t that sound like fun?
You think so?
Yeah me too… it’ll be fucking great.

Mwahaha....RedBull.

Because I am fucking AMAZING

So hi,
It's been a long fucking timeeeeeee....

I've just been going through a weird patch, but don't we all?
So all of a sudden I got home and MR.A. left today.
YAY!

And so, on the way home (two hour fucking drive, that sucks) I got a RedBull.
Now, I normally only have these every once in a blue moon.
So... we were about 40 minutes from home when I got it and so I'm drinking it, and about half way through the can.
This guy is next to us in a truck, and he looked really fucking familiar.
So I'm like, "Mom, does he look familiar?"
And all of a sudden my sister is screaming from the back of the truck, "OMG! That's Bradley."
My face was full of shock, horror and I couldn't stop fucking laughing for some reason.
So I'm going to blame that on the complete randomness of the situation and the RedBull that's currently fucking my mind over.
And blasting music for the first time since MR.A. left, isn't helping.
Especially since it's a bunch of music I like.
Now I'm a believer - Smash Mouth.
Green Day,
Blah...
Blah...
Blah...!

So anyway....
Bradley is my ex, and I hadn't seen him in ages.
Because we don't exactly communicate and haven't exactly tried to stay friends since he dumped me like a fucking pussy through a text message.
Although I was pretty happy about it since I was planning on ending it anyway, but I was waiting till I saw him, because I didn't want to be a bitch through a fucking TEXT MESSAGE.
But I was dancing around the house when it happened.

But again, anyway!

He happened to pull into the gas station that we did, a few miles before we got home.
And he walked over and was blabbering to my mother, my sister and I.
It was weird, he showed off his tattoos and blah blah, fascinating I know.

So I walked into the store with little sister and he happened to walk in right behind us after going by his truck.
So I held the door, because I don't slam doors in peoples' faces when they're just a few feet away.
YOU'RE A DICKHEAD IF YOU DO THAT.

But he said to me as he came in, "So you're following me now?" and he gave a chuckle.
And I replied, "You're the one who came in after ME."

And that was the end of that conversation, I got another RedBull which I have yet to drink.
It's sitting in the fridge and I keep thinking about it.
I'm undecided on whether I should go get it and down it, but yeah...

So then I got on to check Facebook, and of course he just happens to be on.
And he starts talking to me.
And he asked me if I had plans this weekend, and I freaked out a little bit and said, "Not that I know of, might go skating Friday. But no set plans as of yet."

And his spelling REALLY pisses me off, because he spells "I know" as "i no."

ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID, DUDE?!

Anyway............

So he wants me to go with him this weekend and watch him get a tattoo....
How fun does that sound?....

I think I'd probably go bored out of my mind, or be laughing evilly at his pain.

I'm fucked.
But it would be funny...

Hehe.

So.....
My mother thinks he's a fucking speed demon, because he was speeding a bit on the road, but you know...
She's never going to like any guy's driving, and what guy isn't a fucking speed demon?
Especially when they just got a new truck, I mean come on.

So anyway, lot of shit has happened, but I think I've babbled enough random shit for now.

Ciao.